Week Four Review
Part 1: His Sensitive Masculine Pride
Objective: To understand a man's sensitive masculine pride, and how to avoid wounding him.
A. A man is proud of his masculine qualities
His masculine qualities are physical body, skills and abilities, achievements, goals and dreams, masculine traits of character, masculine role as the guide, protector, provider.
B. Masculine Pride is very Sensitive
Most important thing to know is that the Masculine Pride is very senstive.
Check if you do any of this
By belittling, ridiculing, showing indifference.
How do you avoid wounding pride?
Make a special bookmark or pagefold of Chapter 12.
"Never suggest that he doesn't measure up in his manhood - in his masculine body, skills, ability, or achievements. In his efforts to care for his family, never imply that he could do better, or that someone else is doing better.
Never indicate that his manly care and protection are not needed, that you could make it without him. Never ignore a demonstration of his masculinity. And take care that you never excel him in anything masculine."
- Quote from Chapter 12
C. Who Wounds Him?
His background, perhaps. His working world and sometimes, his wife.
Review the evaluation part of your assignment.
D.Problems which stem from wounded pride
Humiliation, Reserve, Numbing Effect, Dishonesty and Belittling himself.
Humiliation - It is one of the most uncomfortable feelings a man can experience so that the woman who causes it becomes repugnant to him.
What The Woman Suffers
She is puzzled, kept in the dark, wondering what she said wrong.
She is frustrated, and doesn't know how to handle the situation.
He is cool or cold towards her and she doesn't feel loved.
Reserve - When a man's pride is wounded over and over again, he builds a wall of reserve. He clams up and would not let anybody in.
What casues his reserve to appear?
Fear! The fear of being belittled, ridiculed or treated with contempt or indifference.
Why is it important to remove this wall of reserve?
Because he needs to confide.
Because when he does, you will have an opportunity to listen to him, appreciate him and admire him.
Confiding brings a man and woman close in their marriage relationship.
Self Check - Review assignment portion on how to break down the wall of reserve.
Numbing effect - When a man's pride has been injured over a long period of time, he learns to protect himself from the hurt by hardening himself against it. He learns not to care and his senses become dull or numb.
Dishonesty - His fear of humiliation can prompt him to conceal the truth, make false statements or put the blame on someone else.
You can help a man avoid dishonesty by understanding his pride in the face of failure. See examples in your textbook.
When he belittles himself - Because his pride is weak or injured, he needs someone to bolster it. The only means he has to obtain the admiratio he needs is to belittle himself. To respond, offer a kind word of encouragement.
Your Responsibility for Masculine Pride - Build or Destroy
A woman is in a precarious position. She can build or destroy a man according to how she deals with his sensitive masculine pride.
She can also heal the wounds inflicted by others.
She builds him by looking to his better side, admiring him, healing wounds inflicted by others.
She destroys him by criticizing him, trying to improve him, wounding his masculine pride.
Part 2: Sympathetic Understanding
Objective: To arouse a sympathetic understanding for men, for their responsibilities in life, their difficulties,
their moments of discouragement, despair and failure. And to teach women when and how to give true sympathy.
A. Broad Understanding Needed
If you have lacked sympathetic understanding, you have probably shown it in a number of ways.
You have probably complained when your husband was late for dinner, retreated to his den to be by himself, neglected the children, didn't get around to doing the yard work or repair jobs, was
tight with money or worked long hours away from home. You failed to count his many hours of labour away from home as doing something for the family. - quote from Fascinating Womanhood
A broad understanding is needed in three main areas
- His pressing responsibility to provide the living
- His drive for status
- His sensitive masculine pride
B. What Does This Broad Understanding Explain About His Life?
We have to try to understand and have a sympathetic understanding of why men work hard or often let down at home.
Why men work hard
For e.g. Work long hours, worry about their work, must put their work first, must plan now for future responsibilities.
Why men often let down at home
For e.g. Are cross, irritable, lazy, forgetful, neglect home repairs, neglect wives and children.
Our broad understanding helps us to be patient, forgiving wives and adaptable to circumstances.
Do you struggle in this area?
C. The Sympathetic Wife
Who is she? She...
- Provides a peaceful home life
- Makes him comfortable
- Let him revive at home
- Minimizes demands on his time and money.
D. Specific Times Men Need Sympathetic Understanding
- When he lets down at home - let him be, realize it's not you
- When he is discouraged - realize that few men escape this unpleasant experience. A woman has the power to break this spell of gloom and turn his attitude around. But she must know what to do and especially what not to.
- When he faces failure - A man may never fully appreciate his wife until she is put to the test of his failure. When a woman meets such a crisis with sympathetic understanding and the strength of a noble character, her husband can come to love her as never before.
E. When He is Discouraged
- >Suffer with him - without asking too many questions, try to understand what he is going through, share his feelings, suffer with him.
- Build him - No matter what happens, have an unshakable faith in his better side.
- Don't minimize his problems - e.g. don't say, 'There isn't anything to worry about,' or 'Your problems are just in your imagination', or 'Life isn't as tough as you think.' or advise him to count his blessings. These statements show a lack of sympathy.
- Don't offer to help solve his problems - This comes later. What he wants now is your sympathy, your appreciation for his efforts and your willingness to overlook his errors in judgement.
- Don't let his gloom rub off you - Maintain optimism and don't expect a change in spirits. Remain cheerful but show sympathy whenever he seems discouraged.
It is not her advice he hungers for, no matter how much he may need it, but her sympathy, comfort and a restoration of his confidence in himself.
F. The Sympathetic Wife
Read my favourite story of 'The Wife' in Chapter 13 of the Fascinating Womanhood.
- Peaceful Home Life
- Reduce expenses
- Reduce demands on his time
- Allow for his bad behaviour
- Make him comfortable
- Let him revive at home
- Right kind of sympathy when he is discouraged
- Adapt to failure with grace
Part 3: Pandora's Box
What is Pandora's Box
When applying Fascinating Womanhood principles, it can cause a peculiar reaction called Pandora's Box.
In a Pandora's Box reaction, instead of the man responding with love and tenderness, he becomes angry and pours out hostile feelings towards his wife.
Why does he do this?
Up to now, he has been afraid to to express his anger. He might that thought this supression of anger was holding his marriage together.
When his wife applies Fascinating Womanhood, he begins to feel secure in his marriage then he starts to release resentful feelings he has kept hidden in there.
If you face this situation, allow him to empty Pandora's box. Encourage him to speak freely and openly. Do not defend, fight back or justify yourself. Even agree with him saying, 'I know, I know you are right'.
Review the lessons of Understanding Men and Roles of Marriage and practice, practice, practice.
Thank you for reading 'Fascinating Womanhood Week Four Review'!
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