Objective: To define our God ordained roles, and show that when they are lived correctly and devotedly, the quality of marriage and family life improves remarkably.
Week Three Review
Part 1: Masculine and Feminine roles
A. Masculine & Feminine Roles
The characteristics of these roles are of divine origin, not merely a result of custom or tradition. See Gen 3:16, 19, Eph 5:33, Col 3:18, 1 Peter 3:1, Eph 5:23. 24.
They are different in function but equal in value.
- Man's Role - Guide, Protector, Provider
- Woman's Role - Wife, Mother, Homemaker
B. How to Succeed in Your Role
- Accept your role: Accept your role as the wife, mother and homemaker with a keen sense of responsibility. Let it be your concern, your worry.
- Learn the feminine arts and skills: If you want to suceed in your role, learn all you can to help you succeed. Learn to cook, clean and manage a household. Learn the womanly art of thrift and how to rear children.
- Stay out of his role: To further succeed, stay out of his role as the guide, protector and provider.
- Fill the three masculine needs: A man needs to function in his masculine role as the guide, protector and provider, to feel needed in this role, and to excel women in this role.
C. How Can We Apply This?
In a world of efficient, capable, dominating women, a world of working women who have become independent, who have proved they don't need men, are as competent as men, and can often outsmart them.
- Let him function as the guide, protector and provider.
Not only many women take over this role, they show an anxious concern for their husbands' performance or lack there of. Throw him the ball and let him fumle with it. If you don't you take over masculine responsibility, rob him of his manhood and take on masculine characteristics yourself.
- Help him feel needed in this role.
Get bust with your work and provide yourself inadequate in his role. If you are stuck with masculine work, do it in a feminine way. This way, you will help him feel needed.
- Don't excel him in masculine work.
If you do a better job than he can, he will never come to your rescue (or give you money, if you earn more than he). In addition, you will hurt your marriage and injure his feelings of worth.
D. When Women Assume Masculine Role:
Harm to the man:
Some of his most important inner needs are not met. When he does not function fully in his normal role, he is denied masculine development, fulfillment and a feeling of self-worth. He does not feel needed and sometimes feels his wife can do a better job.
Harm to the woman:
Assuming masculine responsibility brings her mental strain, physical strain, worry, anxiety, tension, loss of feminine charm, and loss of husband's love.
Harm to family life:
If the woman concentrates her energies on the man's role, or part of it, she will likely neglect hers. This can mean neglect of children and family life.
Harm to children:
In homes where there is not a strong male and female image, children fail to develop normally, fail to be strongly feminine or strongly masculine. This can lead to homosexuality. Studies trace homosexuality to homes where there was a blurring of roles.
There is a great need for men and women to return to their normal roles. It will end critical marriage problems and reduce serious social problems. Blurring of roles, broken homes, emotional damage to children, etc.
Part 2: The Guide, or Leader
A man needs to function, feel needed and excel women in his role as the leader.
A. Why should the Men Lead
Firstly it is in the Bible, in Genesis 3:16, Eph 5:23,24. There can only be one chief. What would happen if there were dispute in the group and the two leaders could not agree on how to handle the situation?
Equality of leadership between a man and wife is illogical and unworkable for these very reasons. Imagine the problems they would face if they tried to decide everything together. What if they could not reach an agreement, one which had to be made?
A man has an inborn need to lead his family. Filling this function is part of what he needs to feel like a man. It has to do with his masculine fulfillment and helps his feeling of self-worth. When denied his function he tends to feel frustrated in his development and sometimes feel emasculated.
B. Special Problems in Leadership
See if any of these are you.
1. I don't trust his judgement: He has made mistakes in the past and may in the future.
When you give a man the leadership position you have to give him the ball and let him fumble with it, and know that he will fumble many times.
We cannot expect men's decision to be free of mistakes. We must allow for errors in judgement.
There are two things a woman can do to reduce her husband's mistakes:
Give feminine advice: When there is an urgent reason and a woman is sure of herself, she can give feminine advice, done in the right way.
Trust in God: When you cannot trust your husband's judgement, you can always trust in God.
2. I am more qualified to lead: I have more wisdom, better judgement.
This may be true in many cases, but who leads, the man or the woman, is not a question of who is the best qualified, but of following God's command and establishing law and order. If a woman has insight and wisdom, she can be helpful in giving feminine advice, if she does it in a feminine way. But if her husband chooses not to follow her good advice, this is his right.
3. I don't agree with his decisions: I can't support something I don't agree with. It would seem dishonest.
You need not support his ideas but his right to decide. This is very honest. You can openly disagree and still support his right to decide.
4. He is overly harsh with the children: In this case I feel I must step in and defend them, for their own well being.
Children are better off when father and mother present a united front. When you support your husband's discipline of her children he will be less frustrated and therefore less harsh with them, more lenient.
5. He doesn't lead: I would like my husband to lead but he does not. As a result, I usually end up making the plans and decision.
To solve this problem, read the next section.
C. How to Help Him Become A Better Leader
- Discuss his leadership role with him.
- Tell him he is qualified to lead (or at least innately so.)
- Tell him that you are not qualified, that you need him.
- Be efficient in your feminine role.
- Be a good follower.
D. How To Be the Perfect Follower.
- Honor his position
- Let go.
- Have a girlish trust in him.
- Be adaptable. (Don't have inflexible, preconceived ideas. Make your dreams portable.)
- Be obedient.
- Present a united front.
- Support his plans and decisions.
- Assert yourself.
E. How to Give Feminine Advice
A woman can be of valuable help to a man in his leadership role if she gives advice in the right way. This is one of the true arts of feminine womanhood.
Part 3: The Protector
Objective: To realize when they honor the man as the protector and provider, it fills important needs for the man, relieves the woman of the burden so she can focus on homemaking, accentuates the difference between the sexes, bringing love and tenderness into marriage.
A man needs to function, feel needed and excel women as a protector.
God created man stronger, braver, most masculine. Men have an inner need to protect you.
A. What Women Need Protection From
- Danger: Walking alone on dark streets, long car trips, hitchhiking.
- Strenuous work: Carpentry, heavy lifting, heavy yard work.
- Difficulties: Dealing with obnoxopis, imposing, rude or troublesome people.
If you find yourself not protected by these things - dangerous, physically strenuous, unfeminine or emotionally upsetting, get him to protect you by filling his three masculine needs.
So, stop facing danger, difficulties, or doing masculine chores.
Need his masculine care and protection.
Don't excel him in anything which requires masculine strength and ability. If you can a better job than he can, he will never come to your rescue.
Part 4: The Provider
A. Why Should the Man Provide the living
Again, it says so in the Bible in Genesis 3:19.
By logic, someone must provide for the family. Someone must stay home and nurture the family. The biological mother is the logical one to stay home, since she must bear and nurse the children. If she must stay home the father, of necessity, must provide the living. But her confinement at home is only temporary. After the child is weaned, they could share the responsibility of house work and earning the living.
To live peacefully in a family there must be a division of labor.
It is also a innate need of a man. He needs to function, feel needed and excel women as a provider.
Eunice's Comments:I believe in exercising lots of grace when it comes to whether or not a woman should work for a second income. In F.W. it strongly suggests that the wife to only work if she really haves to (such as a disabled husband). She is encouraged NOT to work for a better living, or to provide a more varied education for her children through ballet, piano classes etc.
Maybe I have a modern point of view but I think one should adapt this cheerfully to her circumstances. Cost of living in some cities are extremely unaffordable, therefore needing two incomes. Sometimes there are valid reasons for continuing to live in those cities e.g. close to family and friends, availability of work etc.
Children with exceptional talent should be encouraged and guided. You may have a world-changer in your hands. We all have responsibilites to do the best with what and who we've been given.
I also believe that women should also pursue some sort of life of her own, instead of sacrifcing all for her family. It is only a problem when her pursuits become more important then her priority to her husband and family.
Note that this is not a contradiction on F.W.'s teachings, but rather a loose adaptation of the 'action (what you do)' part yet remaining steadfast to the values (husband, marriage, motherhood, wife, home).
B. What Should He Provide?
He should provide necessities and a shelter. It is not his responsibility to provide he luxuries.
We've also covered how men and women bear these burdens of providing for their families differently, how much stress men are under.
C. Understand His Pressing Responsiility to Provide
Quote from Dr Marie Robinson,
"I do not think it is possible to exaggerate how seriously men take this responsibility; how much they worry about it. Women, unless they are very close to their men, rarely know how heavily the budren weighs sometimes, for men talk about it very little. They do not want their loved ones to worry."
"Men have been shouldering the entire responsibility for their family group since earliest times. I often think, however when I see the stresses and strains of today's marketplace, that civilized man has much harder going, pyschologically speaking, than his primitive forefathers."
D. How can I Ease His Burden of Work?
- Reduce expenses
- Reduce demands on his time.
- Live Feminine Role
- Live all of F.W.
E. His Drive For Status
- Why does a man drive for status?
He drives for success beyond his role of making the living, beacuse of the inner nature and needs of man.
- What you should not do
Fail to appreciate his achievements, accomplishments.
Imply you think it's about time he achieved something worthwhile.
Imply another man has done better. Esteem another man a hero
- What should you do about it?
Let him reach for the stars.
Appreciate his goals, dreams, and achievements
His masculine needs
Fascinating Womanhood is not a class which principally tells you to stay home, or to not work. It is a class which teaches you how to build a happy marriage, whether you work or not.
However F.W. teaches 'ideal' principles. It is more ideal if you don't work, best to realize what you forfeit when you do work!
- Let him earn the living.
- Let him know his income is needed and appreciated.
- If you must work, do not excel him as a provider.
Rewards for Filling the Three Masculine Needs:
- Fills your husband's inner needs.
- Lifts burdens form you, so you can better focus on home duties.
- Accentuates the difference between the masculine and feminine, increasing love and tenderness.
Part 5: Family Finances
- Man's Role - Guide, Protector, Provider
- Woman's Role - Wife, Mother, Homemaker
A. Wife's Role
One of the most important things you can do in family finances is to learn the womanly art of thrift. You can ease our husband's burdens and bring the family more comfort and security if you handle your part of the money wisely.
Cooperate with his plans
Be willing to sacrifice when necessary, especially with plans to reach financial goals. Be willing to adapt to new circumstances and cut expenses.
Provide a peaceful home atmosphere
A peaceful home life renews a man in spirit, provides him with motivation to succeed in his work.
B. In Times of Financial Distress
- Get a job only in times of urgency, instead
- Reduce expenses
- Trim luxuries
C. How to Put an End to Money Worries
- Let go of financial role. Turn it over to him.
- Trust in him, but allow for mistakes and failures.
- Live your financial role faithfully.
- Arrange for Wife's Budget
If he resists taking over finances, don't make an issue of it at this time. Live all of F.W. and come back to it later.
When he takes over and makes a mess of things: Refer to F.W. Chapter 11
D. Children and Finances
Children should be protected from financial worry.
When a child is small, he should be given an allowance so he can learn the value of money.
However when you do, don't expect him to do jobs around the house as a compensation. He should be taught to do his jobs as his part of the family work. Otherwise he will get the idea that he must be paid for everything he does.
When a child is old enough, he should be given a regular job with pay, and the allowance can be discontinued.
It would better if the job was from outside the family, such as a paper route or baby-sitting for another family or producing something needed in this world.
Managing the money
Even more important is for the child to learn to manage money.
Teach him to give one tenth to the Lord (this should go directly to the church). Out of what is left, save half into his bank. What is left, he is freely to spend but encourage him to save up for something he wants or to be generous to someone.
Summary of Three Masculine Needs
- Allow him to function as the guide, protector, and provider
- Have a girlish trust in him, but allow for mistakes and failures
- Need his manly care and protection
- Stop doing the masculine work
- If you must give him assistance in any part of his masculine role, don't excel him.
- Apreciate his manly care and protection and tell him so.
Thank you for reading 'Fascinating Womanhood Week Three Review'!
Return from Review of Week Three to Elegant Woman Homepage
Before You Read
Hello and welcome!
This site is something like a personal journal - it is neither an authority on elegance
nor a professional site. FAQ.
I write about my latest discoveries about my study of elegance.
Click picture for code.
The Elegant Woman - elegantwoman.org in a book
Secrets of Elegance - 10 Basic Steps
Becoming a Woman of the Finest Class
The Elegant Woman
Advertisements keep the site free.
It pays for the running and building costs of elegantwoman.org
I have a monthly readership of 125,000 strong reading 200,000 pages and growing.
Our words reveal our refinements; they tell the discerning listener of the company we have kept; they are the hallmarks of education and culture. - Dale Carnegie
I recognize but one mental acquisition as a necessary part of the education of a lady or gentleman, namely, an accurate and refined use of the mother tongue. - Dr Charles W. Eliot