Objective: To learn to accept our husbands for the man he is, to allow for human weakness and mistakes and stop trying to change him.
Week Two Review
Relationship Rules With Men
A brief summary
- Accept Him at Face Value
- Appreciate His Better Side
- Admire His Manliness
- Make Him Number One
- Let Him be the Guide, Protector, Provider
- Let Him Manage the Money
- Don't Wound His Sensitive Masculine Pride
- Be Sympathetic, Understanding
Part 1: Accept Him
A. What Does Acceptance Mean?
Accept means you accept your husband for the man he is today, with no changes. You realize his conduct could be better, and probably should be better, but this is his responsibility, not yours.
The key to acceptance is humility - realizing our own human frailties and limitations and therefore looking to ourselves for change.
B. Your Husband's Faults
Think of those two sides, the good and the bad, like two sides of a coin. We all have them.
You married a very human being, with human frailities like yourself.
C. Why We Should Not Try To Change Or Improve Him
Have a think about it.
We try to change him for our own good and his own good.
Here is why we should not try to change a man:
- Creates Discord
- Cools His Feelings
- Can Cause Rebellion
- Doesn't Work
These are some of the most serious problems in marriage. Needling a man to change is at the bottom of most marriage problems and destroys many marriages.
Check and review the 'Ways We Try To Change Men' Page.
D. How You Can Help Him Change, or Improve Himself
Fascinating Womanhood also talks about ''provoking' a man to righteousness'. At that time period,
the word 'provoke' was meant to 'inspire' or 'incite'. The problem today is the dictionaries defines the word, "to nettle or to push" and that method only drives him away.
- By Giving him his freedom
- Accepting him, looking to his better side (remember the two sides of a coin)
- Live all of Fascinating Womanhood principles
Self Check Time
E. Methods Women Use To Try To Change Men
- Gentle Hints
- Moral Pressure
- Using Other Men as Shining Examples
F. Faults in Women That Cause them to Correct or Change Men
Self-righteouness and feelings of superiority.
G. Should I EVER try to Change Him?
First of all, there's nothing wrong with doing so, but we know it is difficult. It may cause serious marriage problems so thread lightly.
There are situations when you should try to 'change' him, for instance when he is blind to his faults, abusive to his children and when there are things that you can't live without.
In the first instance, bring change only to faults that bring him serious problems or failure, keeping in mind that you DO accept him.
If he abuses your children, you have a moral obligation to take a stand.
When there are things you can't live without, use positive criticism, "I thought better of a man such as you" and tell him the good performance you expect of him.
For all of the above, please refer to the textbook.
Guidelines for Acceptance
Glen Clark, author and publisher said,
Blessed are the married ones who strive first of all to make their mates happy, rather than good.
- Get rid of self-righteous, superior attitude.
- Accept him as part virtue, part fault.
- Give him his freedom to be himself.
- Don't try to change him.
- Don't use other men as shining examples.
- Look to his better side.
- Tell him you accept him.
Part 2: Appreciate Him
Objective: To emphasize his need to be appreciated for the man he is and the things he does for you, and how your appreciation will develop his feeling of worth and his affection for you.
A. How To Develop A Keen Sense of Appreciation
Have an observing third eye and develop values.
B. What To Appreciate
- His character (as part of your assignment; chapter 16)
- His intelligence (his gifts, talents; chapter 4)
- What he does for you
C. If You Can't Find Anything To Appreciate
Have faith in his work, go back into the past, look for virtues beneath his faults
When you accept your husband for the man he is and allow him the freedom to be himself ... and when you appreciate his better side and the things he does for you...great rewards follow.
Part 3: Admire Him
Objective: To emphasize a man's need to be admired for his masculine qualities, and how it awakens his love and tenderness
A. How Does Appreciation Differ From Admiration
You appreciate him for the man he is, and what he does for you.
You admire him for his masculinity.
B. How Does Appreciation Differ From Admiration
His masculine qualities
C. What are the masculine qualities?
- His masculie body
- His masculine skills and abilities
- His masculine achievements
- His masculine goals and dreams
- His masculine traits of character
- His masculine role
D. Importance of Admiration
Just as you need love, he needs daily admiration, in all masculine endeavors. It is his bread of life, what keeps him going, his motivation, his reward for living. And, as you give him admiration, he will give you love.
E. Discovering Things To Admire
Think about him: Spend 15 minutes thinking of only him. Most women fail in this respect. They are too busy to think about their housework, children and themselves.
Observe him: You'll notice his masculine abilities in action.
Listen to him talk: Keep your ears open especially when he talks about his work, his problems, his pains, his plans and his ideals. All these will reveal masculine traits.
F. How to Listen to A Man
Read Chapter 5 again.
Don't follow the conversation so closely you fail to admire the man talking.
Don't become so wound up in the subject you form strong opinions which lead to arguments.
If you cannot comprehend all of what he is saying, look for traits of character to admire.
If he deliberately talks over your head, you can be sure he is doing so only to arouse your admiration.
The way we listen to a man reveals our understanding, feminine nature, or unfortunately, our masculine tendencies. To fail to listen correctly can be so disappointing to a man it can seem unforgivable.
G. How To Express Admiration
Be sincere, be specific
A man can be offended by insincere admiration or flattery, even hurt by it. If a woman's admiration seem insincere, he may accuse her of ulterior motives, or manipulation.
F. What Admiration Does for The Man
kens his feelings of love and tenderness (towards the woman who has made him feel masculine.)
- Makes him feel masculine.
- Helps him grow in masculinity, success, fulfillment.
Part 3: Admire Him
Objective: To point out the man's great need to be number one in importance to his wife, and the harm which results when he is second place to her other interests.
A. What a Man Wants
He wants you to be your most important person, your most important interest.
B. Things Women Put First
- Money & Material Things
- Wife's Parents
- Careers, Interests, Activities
Now, he doesn't want his children neglected. He also realizes you have interests of your own. He just doesn't want to feel less important.
Don't put the comforts and whims of your children ahead of your husband's basic needs.
C. A Special Time To Make Him Number One
When he comes home!
If you make him your king, he will make you his queen.
Thank you for reading 'Week Two'!
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