Birthday Party BYOB Request

by Curt

Dear Ms. Manners,

I recently received a birthday party invitation via Facebook. The invitation was sent by the birthday boy (adult male over 40) and the invite stated it was a party for both himself and a friend with who I am not acquainted. In the invite it stated to "BYOB". The party is at the home of my friend and I would like to celebrate with this friend.

My question is two fold: First, if I am being asked to BYOB do I still bring a birthday gift and if so do I also bring a gift to the other birthday person who I don't know? Second, is it tacky to ask people to BYOB to a party at one's home.

I would absolutely bring a birthday gift to a party and most likely I might bring a bottle of wine or liquor but that would be by my choice. I would never consider attending a dinner party without bringing wine or a gift.

I feel a little put off that I am being asked to bring my own liquor to an adult party of non-starving college students.

Personally, I would not invite adult mid age guests to a party and expect them to BYOB. Frankly, I would not even have the party if I could not afford to pay for liquor. Or, I would create a themed party such as "beer and wine" which I would pay for.

What is appropriate?


Liquor miffed in Tampa!

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Jan 13, 2016
Reading too much into it NEW
by: Anonymous

Byob does not necessarily mean "booze". It means beverage. With so many different tastes and dietary restrictions, it is near impossible to cater to all tastes. I have been invited to multiple parties in which the host informs me they will supply the food and I need only to bring what I would like to drink. I never batted an eye.

Nov 11, 2015
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Mar 17, 2012
First mind your own manners NEW
by: Be jovial or don't party

Either get over it or do not attend. This is an invitation which you are welcome to turn down. You can be miffed about the way the party is handled all you want and call it bad manners on the part of the host. Know that if you do attend and proceed to act superior or badmouth the party afterward, this reflects on your manners, not those of the host.

Feb 21, 2012
BYOB to a party NEW
by: Anonymous

Did you ever think it a "Liability" why one would have a BYOB party? Some people hide their intoxication rather well. How would you feel knowing one of your party attendees was killed, and/or killed another driver, pedestrian etc. on the way home?

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