Emily Post MannersThe Art of ConversationEmily post manners on The Art of Conversation. Seek "Conversation topics" in a Miss Manners Advice style and the importance of manners in conversation. Based on a book on manners, Emily Post's Etiquette The good conversationalist: "Ideal conversation is an exchange of thought, not an eloquent exhibition of wit or oratory." - Emily Post's Etiquette  Emily Post MannersThe Good ConversationalistContrary to popular belief, it is not essential to have a wide vocab, lots of experiences or is naturally a chatty person. Conversation is a two way street. It's a give and take but sometimes it's all "take" or all "give". We've all see the types: Never stops talking. Your turn to speak never comes. The one who interrupts. The one who gives mono answers. The one who always argues. The one who has no opinion. The one who sounds rude (and is probably rude). The one who asks too many questions. Emily Post Manners say there is a simple guideline which one can live by and refrain from being a pest or a bore: Stop and think. Emily Post MannersThe Art Of ConversationDon't panic! If you dread meeting strangers because you might feel awkward without anything to say, or do not relate, or can't think of anything to say... a very good reminder to carry around with you is that: Most conversational errors are committed not by those who talk too little but by those who talk too much. Just remember the guideline. Stop and think. Don't be afraid of pausing or saying "Hmm", "That's an interesting point" to buy some time. Don't worry about the rest of the conversation. Just remember, one response at one time with STOP, LOOK, LISTEN. Pretty much like crossing the road.  When talking to strangers, the best approach is to ask a few general questions. After asking a few general questions, you can try describing something you have been doing lately, planning a trip, a vacation, a new hobby, cooking, food etc. Throw the ball in their court - ask for suggestions (keep it light hearted and general), ask for an opinion, ideas. Practice and you'll eventually be able to talk to anyone. Emily Post MannersListening is KeyListen. Really listen. Look at the person when he/she is talking and pay attention Don't interrupt. Don't give advice. Rely on sincerity, clarity and intelligent choice of subject. A funny passage I just had to include which goes something like this, "If there are three participants in a conversation and the one who talks more than one third of a time isn't having a conversation but giving a speech." Emily Post MannersThinking Before SpeakingNearly all the faults of the conversation are caused by a lack of consideration. Think about whether the person you are talking to is interested in your topic, at least pointedly. Would a person who does not know anything about classical music be interested in the latest schedule of the San Francisco Orchestra? That can be said the same for newly engaged brides who talk all about their wedding in the presence of their single friends, or new parents who talk of their child as if no one else had ever born children. Don't speak in another language when others who do not speak it in your language. Don't speak in your professional lingo, because if I'm not a doctor, I wouldn't appreciate anything you have to say in a conversation filled with medical terms. Do employ tact. Use, "It seems to me..." or "Maybe I've mis-read.." (especially when someone insists on a piece of information). When disagreeing, do so gently with lots of 'disclaimers' otherwise the opponent will think you are calling her a liar. Try to change the subject the minute you feel it might escalate into an argument. "I" is the smallest letter in the alphabet. Don't make it the largest word in your vocabulary. - Dorothy Sarnoff. Good: "What do you think?"Bad: "I think..." Emily Post MannersComplimentsPay compliments! Be sincere, be light hearted when doing it, don't go overboard or explain it. Keep it short and simple and it will brighten up someone's day! Responding to compliments: For example, "That's a beautiful dress!" Respond. "Thank you very much!", "I'm so glad you like it." Don't belittle and say, "Oh this is an inexpensive dress", "Oh an old dress", "Or really? I don't think it really fits me". If you want to return the compliment, say "Oh yes, its so hard to find a pretty dress these days, where did you get your dress? I was admiring too." Emily Post MannersPersonal Remarks
But if you see an unzipped skirt, a popped out button, a smudge of make up on nose or greens in her teeth, please tell her discretely. However, if you see a man's fly unzipped, do not tell him unless you are total strangers. Better to ask a male person tell him. Emily Post MannersTaboo TopicsConversations should not be about someone else, especially in a group, even in a group of close friends. If they talked about the way they did about someone when they are not around, imagine what they would say about you when you are not there! Peggy Post quotes, "One of the kindest people I know, when faced with this situation, immediately halts the speaker by saying, "Goodness Barbara, Adriane always says such nice things about you!", and then immediately change the topic. No matter how strongly tempted you are to pass along a nasty comment or to join in a group talking unkindly about another, don't do it. It doesn't just defame the character of the other, it makes you look bad. You might also be interested in:
 Return to the top of Emily Post Manners on Conversation Go back to homepage Tags: emily post manners, miss manners advice, missy manners, ms manners, miss manners column, mrs manners, book on manners, online manners, importance of good manners “A truly elegant taste is generally accompanied with excellency of heart.”
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