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Emily Post Manners
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Contrary to popular belief, it is not essential to have a wide vocab or have lots of experiences. A good conversationalist is not to be a naturally a chatty person either.
Conversation is a two way street. It's a give and take. But how often it is that it's all "take" or all "give"!
Emily Post Manners say there is a simple guideline which one can live by and refrain from being a pest or a bore: (Which I think is pretty funny, by the way.)
The Golden Rule To Refrain From Being A Pest or BoreStop and think. |
Audrey Hepburn said her mother told her "I" in conversations is boring.
While not all of us are extroverts and are natural in the social scene, Emily Post Manners says if you dread meeting strangers because you might feel awkward without anything to say, or do not relate, don't panic.
"Most conversational errors are committed not by those who talk too little but by those who talk too much."
If you can't think of anything to say, remember to ask general questions and don't be afraid of pausing or saying, "Hmmm", "That's an interesting point to buy some time."
Don't worry about the rest of the conversation. Just one response at one time.
Not from Emily's Post manners, but my personal experience is...when talking to strangers, the best approach is to ask a few general questions. After that, you can develop or branch off to a more interesting topic and discover some common interests. Otherwise, you can 'give' something of yourself and offer information to try to generate more conversation topics. For example, try describing something you have been doing lately, planning a trip, a vacation, a new hobby, cooking, food etc.
Throw the ball in their court - ask for suggestions (keep it light-hearted and general), ask for an opinion, ideas.
Practice and you'll eventually be able to talk to anyone.
One tip to remember is to also avoid being in deep conversation with someone for more than five minutes. In a party or social setting, the idea is to move around. Don't linger or try to make a friendship out of a new person. See also Social Ease - Grace Your Way Through Parties.
Really listen.
Look at the person when he/she is talking and pay attention
Don't interrupt.
Don't give advice.
Rely on sincerity, clarity and intelligent choice of subject.
A funny passage I just had to include which goes something like this, "If there are three participants in a conversation and the one who talks more than one third of a time isn't having a conversation but giving a speech."
Continue to page two of emily post manners on the art of conversation.
Intrinsic Details of Elegant Socializing
Common Etiquette Questions For A Lady
Manners Today - A list of Good manners
Return from Emily Post Manners to Elegant Woman Homepage
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