Granddaughters' weddings and the proper way for the biological grandmother and the ex's wife's roles.

by Sandi

My twin granddaughters are both engaged and will marry in separate BIG & fancy ceremonies in the spring of 2011. The problem is ME and our family situation. Here it is:

My first husband is the biological grandfather as I am the biological grandmother. We have never been on good terms and have both remarried twice since the divorce in 1977. Both of us are currently married. While the girls call my husband by his first name, the girls call my ex's wife and grandma ____ . At the wedding how should I expect this to be handled.

I don't want to be at a wedding where my ex's wife and me are regarded as having the same role. I would be embarassed to have her regarded as the girls' grandmother while that is my role and not hers. What is the correct way for this to be handled . . . at the many showers, at the parties and especially and the gatherings before, after and during the wedding ceremony.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I desperately need your advice before this becomes something that could possibly divide the family forever.

Comments for Granddaughters' weddings and the proper way for the biological grandmother and the ex's wife's roles.

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Apr 26, 2011
move on
by: Anonymous

This will only become uncomfortable if you are determined to make it so. My first husband and I are each remarried and we live within 10 miles of one another. Our grandchildren think they're lucky to have an extra set of grandparents. We have always honored one another's roles in our children's lives and in their children's lives; as a result there is only joy in our getting together. Clearly you've remarried and moved on, I urge you to continue to do so, wear a smile, hug everyone. Problem solved.

Mar 22, 2011
Not about you
by: Anonymous

There is nothing you can do about it. A wedding is about the couple getting married, not all of the extended family. It seems like your granddaughters have an emotional attachment to this other lady, making her their grandma, also (even if it is an emotional, not biological attachment). Even without blended families, most people have two grandmas. You should simply be happy on this once-in-a-lifetime day and be a gracious grandmother.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Wedding Etiquette Question & Stories.


Don't Miss Important Updates
Subscribe via email
Subscribe to
Elegant Letters




I keep this private.

Subscribe to my blog.
Latest Entries
Jun 19, 2016

Class Distinctions and Bridging the Gap - The Up Series Documentary. "Give me the child until he is seven, and I will show you the man."

This is about Class Distinctions and Bridging the Gap as documented by The Up Series Documentary. In this documentary, the findings show how unfortunately equal opportunities do not exist for every person, however, it gives us more reason to realizeand believe that by making a focused and educated change, there can be greater social mobility and we can all overcome obstacles, defying limitations of financial background and upbringing.

Continue reading "Class Distinctions and Bridging the Gap - The Up Series Documentary. "Give me the child until he is seven, and I will show you the man.""

Mar 07, 2016

An Accomplished Lady - As defined by Jane Austen

Who is the accomplished lady? Jane Austen tells us who deserves the respect and praise of being educated, refined and accomplished.

Continue reading "An Accomplished Lady - As defined by Jane Austen"

Nov 23, 2015

How To Be Gentle

Lessons on how to be gentle derived from elegant women whose poise and grace inspire us.

Continue reading "How To Be Gentle"

Oct 05, 2015

An Elegant Style - Designer or Non designer

Recently, I've been inspired by the non-designer elegant woman. Somehow I choose now to reflect who I am and my current place in society more accurately with the things I put on my back. This is just how I define my own personal brand of elegance and elegant style. Read about the inspiration behind that.

Continue reading "An Elegant Style - Designer or Non designer"

Aug 18, 2015

A Woman of Grace

The mesage of grace: Be known as a woman of grace. Hold yourself to a standard of grace, not perfection and remember to extend that same measure of grace to others.

Continue reading "A Woman of Grace"

Aug 18, 2015

Lovely Quotes: How to be Lovely

Lovely Quotes on how to be feminine, fair and lovely - Daily inspirations on how lovely it is to be a woman!

Continue reading "Lovely Quotes: How to be Lovely"