Granddaughters' weddings and the proper way for the biological grandmother and the ex's wife's roles.

by Sandi

My twin granddaughters are both engaged and will marry in separate BIG & fancy ceremonies in the spring of 2011. The problem is ME and our family situation. Here it is:

My first husband is the biological grandfather as I am the biological grandmother. We have never been on good terms and have both remarried twice since the divorce in 1977. Both of us are currently married. While the girls call my husband by his first name, the girls call my ex's wife and grandma ____ . At the wedding how should I expect this to be handled.

I don't want to be at a wedding where my ex's wife and me are regarded as having the same role. I would be embarassed to have her regarded as the girls' grandmother while that is my role and not hers. What is the correct way for this to be handled . . . at the many showers, at the parties and especially and the gatherings before, after and during the wedding ceremony.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I desperately need your advice before this becomes something that could possibly divide the family forever.

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Apr 26, 2011
move on
by: Anonymous

This will only become uncomfortable if you are determined to make it so. My first husband and I are each remarried and we live within 10 miles of one another. Our grandchildren think they're lucky to have an extra set of grandparents. We have always honored one another's roles in our children's lives and in their children's lives; as a result there is only joy in our getting together. Clearly you've remarried and moved on, I urge you to continue to do so, wear a smile, hug everyone. Problem solved.

Mar 22, 2011
Not about you
by: Anonymous

There is nothing you can do about it. A wedding is about the couple getting married, not all of the extended family. It seems like your granddaughters have an emotional attachment to this other lady, making her their grandma, also (even if it is an emotional, not biological attachment). Even without blended families, most people have two grandmas. You should simply be happy on this once-in-a-lifetime day and be a gracious grandmother.

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