Who is the Elegant Woman?
How To Be A Lady Page Three
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How to be a lady when making mistakes
A lady is not afraid of making apologies when she made a mistake.
No one likes to do it, and it takes a humble spirit and strength of character to do so. I work on my character (or ask God to work on me!), grit my teeth and keep my face calm when I do.
She does not bring it up again and again. When being apologized to, she accepts as graciously as possible and keeps her feelings in control, no matter how she wants to lash out at the offense. She makes the effort to move on.
She never apologies if not in the wrong.
How to be a lady When She is Angered
A lady never shouts or raises her voice.
She never allows her face to be contorted with rage, seethe, be incensed.
In anger, she is controlled and very smartly removes herself if she feels that she is about to snap, near her tipping point and break out of control. She knows how to cool herself down and knows its best to deal with the situation in a calm manner.
If she is having an intense discussion while the person perhaps is irritated, possibly enraged, affected, she wisely excuses herself or changes the subject for the moment. She knows that there is no point in arguing.
She can always come back to it later when there is some time alone for each to think reflect.
A lady does not get embarrassed.
When she said the wrong word, makes a silly mistake, or is the subject of 'jokes' by an inconsiderate friend who proceeds to tell of her dating history in at a dinner party, she does not allow herself to be embarrassed, and deals with the mishap in a composed, dignified manner.
She does not proceed to 'fake laugh' at her mistake and go on and on about it, in hopes of concealing her mistake. But perhaps a laugh or a smile and move on.
She gives a generous smile at her offending guest, and says, "Now enough of that, you embarrass me!" Show a bit of unconcern and disinterest, move away eye contact then strategically change the subject.
How to be a lady when making a phone call
When a lady calls first, she ends the call too.
If it is a minute-long call, ask when you first call "Do you have a spare minute?" And do stick to that minute. Or if you need five minutes, make that request clear. You may also say, 'Is this a good time?'
Asking "When will be a good time to call?" is also excellent.
How to be a lady when she needs to direct.
A lady never puts anyone on the spot.
She never singles out a person and ask direct questions especially in front of everybody. If she has to say something unpleasant, she does so privately.
She does not asks guests to pray acknowledging that not everyone is comfortable to and usually does it. She also does not insist that everyone must pray.
She does not make guests place games at her parties especially if those games involve speaking in front of everyone, running around the room or sitting on the floor.
Some people might be wearing dresses or is particular about dirt on the floor or have fears of public speaking.
How to be a lady - my personal experience
I personally prefer not to have games where everyone stares at you in the room while you share something about yourself, play a game using any sort of intelligence or someone is put on the spot (unless they are children).
Although I have no qualms about public speaking as long as it is in the English language, but people come with different personalities.
I simply state my observations that at least half the guests are extremely uncomfortable, or are shy, or might feel not so confident displaying their grammar, quick wit or creativity. Obviously, if all of you have been friends a long time, or it is in a very intimate setting - this is perfectly acceptable.
I do not like to subject my guests to games because I do not like assuming that they do like games!
How to be a lady When Expressing Herself
A lady does not complain or whine or nag.
Although this is also a result of cultural differences, how many of us can actually say that we enjoy the conversations when someone is complaining or whining or nagging?
A lady uses all the magic words, refrains from vulgarity in language.
Vulgarity in language does not simply apply to swear words. She does not use swear words and maintains composure in her words. Limiting them is key.
It is vulgar to criticize, boast or speak of other people's personal problems to everyone.
It is sometimes vulgar to be too direct to the point where it is inappropriate. Or assume. Or to use "I" too much. Or to use "intense words" like, "angry"(use annoyed or irritated),"ugly", "hate", or other rude words.
How to be a lady With Personal Opinions
She does not voice strong opinions on her likes and dislikes e.g. "I can't stand poodles. They are so ugly."
She understands that the company present might actually like poodles, or have a poodle or intend to buy a poodle. She also does not preach about any subject, give strong comments on politics, business, another church, another religion, another race. Especially to people she does not know well.
I know we are all humans and we have many strong opinions. Do use great discretion when voicing them, or limit them as much as you can. Discuss them with your mother, your husband. Write anonymously on a blog.
She does not correct someone's grammar, pronounciation or laugh at the mistake.
She does not say things like, "Goodness, what is she wearing?" or ask, "What is the brand of your jeans?"
How to be a lady With Personal Favours
A lady never asks for free help from professional friends and asks for help only if she fully expects to pay.
If the friend offers it free or a discount, she accepts them graciously if she wishes. Though she has the means, she wants to pay full price to support her friends. If her friends are already doing well, she may show her appreciation by recommending more friends.
How tempting this is but after I had my first business, I never found it very satisfying when the friend asks for the discounts first even though I had every intention to offer them a discount, at cost price or even free.
I also appreciated greatly when a friend insists on pay full price to support my growing business. When I was touched by this gesture, I wanted to make this gesture mine, and proceeded to do so the best I can.
How to be a lady When Doing Favours For Others
When a lady does a favour, she is quiet about it and tries not to let anyone know.
She does not make an announcement or spectacle of it, neither does she make the person feel embarrassed or reminded of her generosity of the favour.
She does not tell everyone that she has sponsored their family's holiday, how much it cost, paid for her new spa package or she invited them on their yacht, with all expenses paid.
If she allows her friend, Kelly, her restaurant to hold a party at a discount, she does not make her friend feel that her party did not spend enough, or that she could have made more money if she did not allowed Kelly to use her restaurant.
She does not tell her this, no matter what inconveniences it has cost her, no matter what disagreement she may have afterwards or if any argument has sufficed. It is integrity of the word.
If Kelly made a mess, or ruined some chairs, did not pay etc, have a personal talk to her and not mentioning any of the above because the issue is separate.
Obviously, she will not be invited again if she had be inconsiderate, rude or un-appreciative.
How To Be A Lady with Social Debt
She is aware of social debt.
If she accepts favours, she knows the favour has to be repaid. She repays social invitations by giving social invitations. She understands that a friendship has to be two ways, one invitation followed by her issuing the invitation. She cannot be expected to be invited to parties constantly without inviting back.
How To Be A Lady In Relationships
A lady never points out or discuss mistakes, faults, imperfections of her partner.
It is hard because we ladies like to seek solace in one another and complain and compare to make ourselves feel better, or sometimes for entertainment. Sometimes, within a light hearted conversation it is accepted, but I do urge all of us, myself included to be considerate of how our partner would feel or if he does the same to us.
A lady never goes into details about her break-ups or her past relationships.
Leave in the past in the past and do not inquire about others. It is none of our business.
How To Be A Lady When Observing The Unpleasant
A lady never points out negative observations about someone's manners, the bad behaviour of someone's child, the state of her house or car etc.
She makes people feel at ease, never takes it personally, is never offended if they did not do as she would have done.
She pretends to not notice at the child's bad behaviour, a person's unkempt appearance, knowing that she might have had a bad time at home before she came out. She never stares when someone chews with their mouth open, talks with their mouth full, spills, knocks over the coffee cup, sneezes, coughs.
She does not stare or point no matter what.
She does not make a gossipy interested face, no matter how interested she is.
She does not encourage more gossip, does not want to know. At least she wills herself to.
She does not eat someone else's food without permission. She does not ask if she could.
She refrains from doing so, even when offered.
On the airplane, she does not remove her shoes unless she does so to wear the 'bedroom slippers' they have provided.
She is considerate how feet sometimes might smell and is diligent to do so. She brings a pair of fresh socks to wear on the plane, if she must remove her shoes. She also does not hog armrests.
She understands that eating is a private action and does not stare or look at someone when they eat.
That is of course, when having a meal together, she focuses on the person's counterance, her/his eyes and not how she/he eats.
She allocates proper time for her meals, sits down and eats at a table, not in front of television. She eats slowly and chews. She does not eat on the go, eat while walking, driving, on the bus, in public places, unless it is a picnic.
She does not put make up in public places.
A discreet quick application of lipgloss or lipstick is quite acceptable though it is advised to make sometime to go to the ladies.
A lady does not feed other people's children, touch them or play with them unless invited to do so. She does not reprimand other people's children or correct their manners. She also does not teach them.
One may give the occasional smile, or wave. Do not feed anyone's children with your food, the package of sweets you have in your bag. Check first with the mother.
I know many mothers are particular about the germs and diseases hands carry from other people, so do be considerate of the different standards of cleanliness and refrain from it.
Giving gifts to children: Do check with the mother if it is appropriate. Some mothers do not allow certain types of toys or toys made of certain types of material.
All mothers have their own ways or philosophies of how their children should be brought up or what they should be taught. Do ask if you are in doubt.
Feel free to give your compliments though.
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