How To Be A Lady

How to be a lady is something we all have to learn.

I've heard this very wise person said, "Being a woman does not automatically make one a lady."

Ashley Judd plays a wonderful lady in the movie De-lovely

Being a lady has many benefits

A return of kindness from others, respect, honour, treatment of you like a princess (or queen).

Your royal etiquette results in the man in your life treating you like royalty, and not just him, but every male in your life.

You will have created a more pleasant world not just for yourself but everyone around you.

You will gain a relaxed ease of confidence - whether conscious or by instinct- of knowing how to go about your day, get around in life, what to do in every situation.

tags: Manners, Etiquette, How to be a lady, Elegant Woman, Social graces

'How to be a Lady' Studies

Originated From Royal Etiquette

A Little History

Back in the day, where only the royals and privileged cousins who lived in the castles are taught 'how to behave in royal courts'.

It was there where the art of 'how to be a lady' has been studied, polished and refined. They had guidelines on who should speak first and whom should be spoken to, the way they stood, how they dressed, how would be behave in the presence of the king.

In the book of Esther in the Bible, when a new queen was to be chosen, the king had a person in charge. He was to advise what they would wear, eat, how they would behave and present themselves to the king, from which the king himself would choose his new queen.

(Esther of course was a wise woman and chose to allow herself to be shaped by this man, learning to be a lady, who of course, knew what the king favoured. She was later chosen and became queen.)

In Marie Anoinette the movie, it was reflected the customs in those days that lower ranking courtiers had to be spoken to by those of higher ranks, like the Queen.

Later on, as education became more available and wealth among people grew, it quickly established many wealthy aristocrat families, whose education and exposure to the finer things in life influenced their manners.

As society grew wealthier and educated, charm and finishing schools were established to train each individual girl to be a lady, in hopes of attracting suitable, promising gentlemen.

The Fading Art

Of Being A Lady

As the world evolved and experienced many breakthroughs in medicine, technology and information, many people quickly became extremely wealthy through these discoveries. They are known as the 'new money'.

(This is because wealth had been generated in their lifetime.)

While many 'old money' - those money in the family have been there for more than three generations - soon lost their wealth through vices or had their cash tied up in high maintenance properties, they slowly faded into the background and lost their influence as society welcomed their new darlings.

The Newly Rich, or new money, although having the means to live like royals, have not had enough time and experience to developed the kind of manners and etiquette passed down and inherited by the royals and aristocrats. That does not seem to matter because they are being treated like royalty and therefore, may not have placed enough value of such graces.

The Newly Rich destroyed our unwilling invisibly imposed "caste system" and pretty much the way of the royal life - all of monarchy, and while we applaud them, we threw the baby away along with the dirty bath water... our manners.

The new media revolution with televisions and computers projects this over-eager acceptance of such behaviour. This can be seen of celebrities and socialites which are media darlings.

This sense of entitlement - that it is acceptable to be rude if you are 'someone', to be demanding, to flaunt their wealth and to place too much importance of materials and not enough on feelings of others. What we see, read and hear about today much influenced the values of current society.

Being a Lady Today

What it means to truly be a lady is almost lost among the sea of messages of what one wears, what one talks about, who she hangs out with or where they dine, holiday, hang out.

Perhaps I am so thoroughly inspired when I meet the rare breed of a beautiful lady that I desire it, I obsess and study it and I write about it now, slowly breaking down what I see, read and look to the past to try to conceive why it was set.

Etiquette rules are not written for you to memorize but rather it births from a kind thought.

In that sense, I'd like to think that it was written to answer the ultimate question, "What is the kindest way of doing this?"

It is where one considers others, how it may communicate, whether it might be offensive so on and so forth.

It is my goal to break 'How to Be a lady' down to bite size pieces where while I am not perfect, continue to practice as though I were, and one day when the 'mask' is removed, I would find myself the woman I dream to be.

To Be A Lady Is To Have An Elegant Heart

Being a lady is simply nothing more than extended manners to every part of your being, a way to be kind, and an organized way to go about your life and interacting with people.

Manners are kindness. How to be a lady...is to be the kindest woman in the room. It is true elegance.

A Learned Art

Being a lady does not come naturally. All of us have to learn how to be one.

A good example is the training of a Geisha. If you have time, watch 'Memoirs of a Geisha' or read the book. While I'm not advocating training yourself to entertain a man, train yourself because it is who you want to be. I am certain the man in your life will be greatly appreciate it!

Favourite Passage About Being A Lady

I love how Candice Simpson-giles.describes being a lady:(Abridged version)

"Manners, attitudes, appropriate dress and social mores have changed so dramatically that the definition of being a lady has left everyone confused.

A lady by today's definition knows that educating herself in every way possible, from higher education to the common sense manners, empowers her to become a woman of accomplishment and poise. She knows it is not her dress size or the money she possess that brings her satisfaction in life.

A lady knows that beauty and wealth can be fleeting, but her inner character is the measure by which others will ultimately judge her as a person.

Her courtesies, the high esteem in which she holds herself and others, and her sincere words of praise and thoughtfulness will reflect her strong values and place her ahead in the minds and hearts of those who know her. Being thought of as a "lady" may be the one of the highest compliments a woman can receive in her life. "

Click here to go to the top of How to Be A Lady

"How to be a lady" Series continued in bite sizes!

Lady Series Page One

Click here to see how to identify a lady. Lady Series Page Two

Click here to see how to identify a lady. Lady Series Page Three

Click here to see how to identify a lady. Lady Series Page Four

Click here to read more about Personal Grooming For Ladies

Click here to read how gestures may ruin your elegant appearance

Click here to read how what it means to be an accomplished lady back in Jane Austen's time to respectable, wealthy men.

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How to be a lady, Victorian etiquette fascinating womanhood, royal etiquette, etiquette for girls, Victorian manners