How to respond nicely to 'when are you having a baby?'

by Champ

Hey Eunice, it's such a wonderful feeling to read the articles you post. It gives such positive, fresh, rejuvenating feel even at the end of a tiring day. I feel so nice to have come across this site.

I loved the articles on socializing. I need an advice around that. I am married & happy :-), & we have decided not to have family/kids. Well how do you communicate this to people in nicer way as this question keeps coming up no matter what I do, like changing the topic. In our community, it's more important to have kids than to know yourself.

People are more driven by what others do & what will the society say if we don't do this or that. I understand those feelings and I love kids too but right now we have other many things in mind to do. We are ambitious.

My second question is on handling people who always try to compete with what you are doing. For example, in a casual conversation I say to one of my nice friends that "Recently I tried painting and I am loving it..." Before I finished my sentence, my friend says,"I tried all this during childhood days & have done many more". I do not know why people talk that way. Is that natural? It just that it happens frequently. I was quite frustrated and decided to socialize less.

Please guide me in this art of talking / socializing. I have learnt from your articles that we must face the situation & tackle it elegantly than avoid it.

Would really really appreciate if you can help me with this. Thanks so much in advance.

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Dec 19, 2013
on the question of babies... NEW
by: Dandelion

My go-to response for "When are you going to have children?" is "When I have something to report, I promise to let you know." Even though this is a terribly prying query and really shouldn't be a topic of conversation, most of the people who ask (us, at least!) are coming from the perspective that a) they love us, b) they think we'd make good parents, c) they love kids and think that's what everyone wants, or d) some combination of the three.

Aug 25, 2011
Grin and Bear it
by: Eunice

Like most responses to the lack of manners, you respond with a grin and bear with it.

I am often asked that question too and I'm not quite sure how to respond. I usually smile and say "Soon, but we want to see how the new business goes" or "we are planning a big trip to Africa next year first..." or "We haven't come to terms with losing a bit of independence."

For those who don't want kids, a nice response would be to say, "Well we decided we want to enjoy life and the perks of spending our incomes on ourselves."

If they continue to ask more questions, just say, "well, maybe we'll change our minds later on and adopt." And if they persist, just firmly change the topic and pretend nothing happened. They should be silenced for their impertinence.

Regarding your question about people who love to turn the topic back to themselves, sometimes this is the way people 'relate' to you in conversation. But they should turn the conversation back to you, otherwise that is hijacking. If they continue talking about themselves, just take that opportunity to be interested and ask questions related to your initial topic - "So did you like oil painting or water colour in your art classes?" That way you can still carry on a conversation and yet gain a few bits of knowledge for yourself. A win-win situation perhaps? I hope so.

However, if you feel that this is not a natural response, try finding a topic with a greater level of mutual interests, otherwise, maybe you could find new friends.

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