Intrusive, Rude question about Whether I am Pregnant When I'm Not

by Jeanette
(Ohio)

Is there any good way to answer the question 'When are you due?' when the answer is 'I'm not pregnant.'


I work in the food service industry, and I wear an apron. I am not a fat person, but I am someone who gains in the belly area. I get this question way too often...average once every 2 weeks. It's very uncomfortable. I am very aware of this problem area & I am trying to lose weight, try to have good posture, etc. But I just can't figure out a good way to get out of these intrusive, insensitive inquiries!

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May 31, 2016
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Be kind NEW
by: Anonymous

No. Do not wear a girdle. I am in the medical field and that is probably the most hurtful thing that you could do. Your body's organs are where they are for a reason. Do not decide to rearrange them!

Anyway, I feel like this is a mistake that most men will make at least once in their life. For me it happened when I was a child and asked a woman if she was having a baby. My mom had just recently given birth and such things were on my mind. The woman was very kind and explained that she was just fat (overweight would have been a concept that I would not have grasped at that age) and it diffused an awkward situation for my mother. On the way home I got absolutely chewed out by Mom and learned never to ask that question again. Ironically as a med student that rule is now going to be broken during my OBGYN rotations, but in polite conversation it will never come up!

So if the person asking you is a man, I would cut them a tiny bit of slack just because there's a possibility that maybe they never learned the lesson in the first place like I did. Men are not educated in the same way women are when it comes to certain things and vice versa. However it is a mistake a guy never forgets after he is made, so there is a chance that you were the first person that he has made this mistake with. A gracious response will help him both learn his lesson and deflect an awkward situation. I guess the same thing would apply for a younger female too. And like someone mentioned earlier on this post most people ask because they are happy for you and want to congratulate you. I doubt that someone is specifically asking with the intent to make you feel bad. Even though it would ultimately does.

One of my favorite quotes is that you cannot control the wind but you can control how you set your sails in response. So while you cannot control people asking you this question, it is your decision whether to respond graciously and kindly, humorously, or rudely. It all depends on the image that you want for yourself. And that is totally up to you.

Someone did mention though about potentially changing the style of your clothings to try to accommodate you our particular shape and I do think that is a good idea. Often what we wear can highlight or minimize our various features and there is a possibility that this unflattering part of your body might be minimized in a different outfit.

Jun 13, 2015
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Good post NEW
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Feb 25, 2015
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Due date NEW
by: Lady

I like the answer, "I'm due.... for a vacation!"


I also like this answer, "Sir,(or Ma'am (if you forgive me for not answering, I'll forgive you for asking."


There is no need to make fun of yourself by sayng "I'm just fat." Please don't ease their discomfort by debasing yourself.

Jan 17, 2015
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Jan 09, 2015
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Dec 27, 2014
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"Glowing" NEW
by: Anonymous

Perhaps you could act as if it is a compliment and say"No,I guess I'm just naturally happy today! Why,am I glowing?" That way they have a way to save face and may also realize any other reason for asking is as rude as one could possibly be.

And,I'm sorry to point out that the commenters who suggest exercise or girdles are as rude as those who question the server. There are many reasons for an increase in abdominal circumference beside pregnancy or the implied "laziness" or "poor posture."
I hope those people never discover what they are...

Feb 03, 2012
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To: when are you due NEW
by: Anonymous

Perhaps what goes around comes around. Your rude statement "I'm no fat",draws people to be rude to you.I am over weight , or as they write medically a well fed female. Lol. Using the word fat, is wrong. Not to boast but I am rather pretty fir 52. Your not fat but are you ugly? Get the message. Sorry for spelling errors very late.

Oct 10, 2011
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I understand
by: Anonymous

The best answer that I used to give was this:

"No I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat." Then smile at them in their face.

You can't believe how embarrassed they get and they are instantly silenced. They then realize that their inappropriate question got an inappropriate answer. A few times I had to hold back from laughing, because you can see the shock in their face!

May 30, 2011
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Humor?
by: Anonymous

I, too, have developed a belly >age 50. It isn't like we aren't... How about pleasantly stating that you are an associate with a fashion designer, working on designing different work-place attire. Your focus is on the psycho-social effects of unnecessarily unflattering attire. Thank them for confirming that this particular style" elicits unsolicited socially unacceptable (or "rude") remarks."
Thank them for their input. Leave graciously.

Jan 15, 2011
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tell them it is rude
by: Anonymous

"Have you ever heard that that was one of those questions you weren't supposed to ask? There's a reason."

Oct 23, 2010
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Go up a dress size...
by: CC

My aunt was a model in her youth, and she recommended wearing a size larger than one's measurements for a slimming, elegant effect.

Having always had a protruding abdomen, no matter what my weight, I have found that avoiding styles with tucked-in waists and designs that bring attention to my middle area also helps.

At work, you may be able to switch from a waist-cinching apron to a bib-style apron (without a waist) if you ask the management.

Also, remember to smile and be gracious to the person asking. He or she may have only wanted to congratulate you for what everyone considers a joyous occasion. Perhaps you have that "glow" on your face, too!

At any rate, asking how far along a woman is pregnant should be discouraged when young people are being taught proper manners, if only for the sake of these awkward situations.

Best of luck!

Sep 17, 2010
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feeling your pain
by: Lee Dawn

Dear Jeaneete,
I know where you are coming from. I have always been a thin person but since I hit pre-menopuase I have gained some weight in my belly.
I am trying weight watchers and exercise but I
still get asked if i'm pregant all the time. Very embarrasing. Sometimes i feel like getting a t-shirt made that says "I'm not pregnant- I'm just fat- but thank you for asking."

Jul 11, 2010
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I feel your pain
by: Anonymous

I've had the same problem and have next to no belly, but apparently, way too many rude aquaintances. Here are some answers I've used and am planning on using:

1. Are you saying I look overweight?

2. I don't understand why you would ask that.

3. Why do you ask? Are you pregnant?

4. How are you liking the weather today?

5. What a strange question!

And here's one just for you:

I see, you're trying to say that this apron is doing me no favors, but you see, I have to wear it at work.


May 11, 2010
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try this response
by: Anonymous

"Due for what??"

Re: previous post:

I believe in accepting one's body as is, but if you want to change how you look, situps (and variations thereof) will be of far more help than a girdle and/or back brace.

May 08, 2010
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Wear a posture or body brace
by: Eunice replies

That is indeed very annoying.

I suggest that you wear a body brace and posture brace of some sort that gives you some back support and trains your muscle memory to hold your stomach in.

Wearing a girdle also minimises the effect so you will not get asked these questions again.

Good work on trying to do something about it.

Here are some links on amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=girdle&x=0&y=0

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