Inviting Others When It is Not Your Party

by Annoyed in NC
(North Carolina)

Dear Miss Manners


For several years now I have spent New Year's Even by inviting some friends to go to a local Inn for drinks followed by dinner at a restaurant, another location. Everyone pays their own way and the guest list has varried over the years. This year I asked friends if they wanted to change up the schedule since the city was not having fireworks and start with dinner and proceed to the Inn for drinks. Everyone agreed and my friend's husband went over and spoke to the restaurant manager to make the reservations since he knew them. Next thing I know these friends are including other couples to this event. I was not very pleased since I felt this was my party and as such they should check with me before they invite other guests that I have never met.

Tell me Miss Manners am I wrong to expect that they not go inviting people I have never met without asking me. To me it seems extremely rude and lacks manners. What is your opinion?

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Jun 19, 2016
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Inviting others when it's not your party NEW
by: Anonymous

I think they were kind enough to ask, as they should have, so you should reply. When it's family versus friends a slightly different set of rules applies. So if you don't have enough food and cannot accommodate another soul, or if them coming would put a significant strain on you, then you can simply reply that you understand they are in town but your space and food is limited and so if they need to come early or later so they can spend time with the other family you understand. This way you are giving them another way to spend time with that family if they insist, but not putting the burden on yourself. If in actuality you'd be okay with it but simply think it's rude I would let your brother know separately that you are agreeing to it this one time only so you can see him and his immediate family but in the future you do not want to be obligated to invite this family or any other family of your sister-in-laws.

Oct 04, 2013
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The More The Merrier NEW
by: Anonymous

Since you're really only organizing the event and not paying for anyone, then I don't think it's rude nor do I think you can claim it as "your party". It's really just a bunch of friends meeting up for New Years Eve, having a good time.

May 14, 2012
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guests inviting their family over to your house too NEW
by: Anonymous

my sister in law and brother are coming over for a cook out from out of town. Some other family of there's will also be in town and she asked if they were welcome also, i didn't answer back as i really don't want to, is this rude of me?

May 14, 2012
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guests inviting their family over to your house too NEW
by: Anonymous

my sister in law and brother are coming over for a cook out from out of town. Some other family of there's will also be in town and she asked if they were welcome also, i didn't answer back as i really don't want to, is this rude of me?

Mar 27, 2012
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Inviting Others NEW
by: Anonymous

Did you receive a response to this question?
Just wondering because I have a similar issue except that I'm hosting an event at my house and one of the invited guest asked whether they could invite additional guests...I'd given the guest list a lot of thought and feel it's an eclectic mix with a good balance. Wondering if it's just me or is that rude...?

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