Miss Manners Wedding Etiquette Part Three

Miss Manners Wedding Etiquette

beautiful wedding couple

Dress-code & Keeping Up Appearances

elegant border

An observation of the modern wedding where wedding etiquette is not heeded: "everyone is costumed, but none of it matches. groom is in white tie, best man and groomsmen are in black tie, guests are dressed at an even less formal level, from business suits to jeans." - adapted from Miss Manners Wedding Etiquette.

"attendants chosen for the right look and number, rather than solely being close friends."

presents are regarded as admission tickets, there is a lot of anger at those who try to get in without them.



Finally, capturing the event on film for another audience is treated as superseding any need to accommodate those actually present.

wedding should be a joyous but serious occasion, rather than lighthearted entertainment. Its the marriage itself, not the ceremony that is supposed to be a scream.

The book also waved away at the idea of having a program and a list of vendors is absurd. It does sound commercial doesn't it? Especially when it goes, "Sponsored by...".

Many celebrities do this, thinking they can get away with getting the best and not paying anything at all but the truth is, they can look cheap and inelegant. It is all too mercenary.

Miss Manners Wedding Etiquette

From a Bride's Perspective

introspective bride

So to be fair, we have horror guests as well.

For instance, do not bring children or babies to a wedding dinner if not specified!

If it is your wedding and you do not wish to risk having the added soundtrack of a crying baby when you are saying your vows, say something like, "Oh I'm so sorry, but we're not having any children there. I know yours would behave perfectly but others might find it tedious."



A Fair Minded Bride Writes:

a fair minded bride writes

Adapted from Miss Manners Wedding Etiquette on Pg 30 Abridged Version. I've made several inclusions as well.

I wish I could hand this out to everyone before we've announced our engagement. I can totally relate.

She Writes:

No I didn't not schedule my wedding on the day of your overseas trip, your birthday, your anniversary to annoy you. That was the only day available in my church If you can't come, I'm sorry. Please don't complain to me about the accommodation, food, how much all this nonsense is costing you. I already know how much it costs, I'm helping pay for it.

I am also not interested to know "that you are not sure where you'll be flying back from whatever country" or "you don't know whether you'll be in the country because you might be on holiday". If you can't come, I'm sorry. Please rsvp when the official invitation is sent out. We obviously aren't that close, but you don't have to make it official by making these throwaway statements. It is not the time to make yourself feel important when I'm trying to plan a party with you in mind.

Close friends, please do not ask why wasn't I ask to be a bridesmaid?

Why wasn't I invited to the wedding?

I have limited resources and unless you are in my life every other week, you do not have a right to demand this. It makes me feel uncomfortable, makes you look bad, just spare ourselves the discomfort.

Groomsmen and best man: I spent months planning for this day. I would appreciate if you can deliver the groom on time and not noticeably suffering the effects of alcohol.

Everyone: Please answer my invitation promptly. And don't do it with a phone call. If you don't want to get me a present or throw me a party, fine. There's no obligation. Don't try to explain it to me,

Please don't criticize my choice of china, crystal, silver or husband. Don't ask me how much anything or all of it costs. Make an effort to socialize with anyone who looks lonely at the reception. Don't ask if you can bring a friend!

If you could make an attempt to do above, I'd appreciate it more than all the presents or parties in the world. And please, no more spoiled-bride anecdotes. I may snap and run after you, waving my bridal organizer.

Miss Manners Wedding Etiquette Book Review

From the book's dust cover:

"(The wedding etiquette book)...sets out the real responsibilities and obligations of the friends and family of the bride, from the mother of the bride to the maid of honor to the ushers, even the stepfather.

Subjects range from the engagement, the shower, and the invitation to the wedding party, the gifts, the reception, and the aftermath, advice that will make the run-up to the big day more pleasant for one and all, including the bride herself. "

As a rather voracious reader myself, I found reading Miss Manners Wedding Etiquette a little hard to digest.

No doubt what Judith wrote was very good, making much sense and giving good advice, but because she writes in third person and in a rather formal way (like all great etiquette writers - kudos to them).

I am no etiquette writer and I merely want to come from a point of elegance. We use etiquette because it is a fruit of consideration for others and so more importantly, I hope readers here will get the foundation of etiquette and elegance.

Thank you for reading Miss Manners Wedding Etiquette!

elegant border

You might be interested in:

Wedding Manners
Basic Wedding Etiquette - For an elegant bride
Engagement Announcement Etiquette
Engagement Party Etiquette, Engagement Party Gift Giving, Bridal Showers And The Works

elegant rose border


Return to the top of Miss Manners Wedding Etiquette Part 3

Return to Wedding Etiquette

how to be elegant shop elegant join sbi

Go back to homepage

alt text

Tags: miss manners wedding etiquette, Wedding manners, emily post wedding etiquette, formal wedding etiquette, Martha stewart wedding etiquette, miss manners wedding etiquette, proper wedding etiquette, second wedding etiquette, wedding etiquette advice, wedding etiquette and advice, wedding etiquette book,

"A truly elegant taste is generally accompanied with excellency of heart."


Facebook

Don't Miss Important Updates
Subscribe via email
Subscribe to
Elegant Letters

Email

Name

Then

I keep this private.

Subscribe to my blog.
Latest Entries
Nov 08, 2016

A Woman of Grace

The mesage of grace: Be known as a woman of grace. Hold yourself to a standard of grace, not perfection and remember to extend that same measure of grace to others.

Continue reading "A Woman of Grace"

Jun 19, 2016

Class Distinctions and Bridging the Gap - The Up Series Documentary. "Give me the child until he is seven, and I will show you the man."

This is about Class Distinctions and Bridging the Gap as documented by The Up Series Documentary. In this documentary, the findings show how unfortunately equal opportunities do not exist for every person, however, it gives us more reason to realizeand believe that by making a focused and educated change, there can be greater social mobility and we can all overcome obstacles, defying limitations of financial background and upbringing.

Continue reading "Class Distinctions and Bridging the Gap - The Up Series Documentary. "Give me the child until he is seven, and I will show you the man.""

Mar 07, 2016

An Accomplished Lady - As defined by Jane Austen

Who is the accomplished lady? Jane Austen tells us who deserves the respect and praise of being educated, refined and accomplished.

Continue reading "An Accomplished Lady - As defined by Jane Austen"

Nov 23, 2015

How To Be Gentle

Lessons on how to be gentle derived from elegant women whose poise and grace inspire us.

Continue reading "How To Be Gentle"

Oct 05, 2015

An Elegant Style - Designer or Non designer

Recently, I've been inspired by the non-designer elegant woman. Somehow I choose now to reflect who I am and my current place in society more accurately with the things I put on my back. This is just how I define my own personal brand of elegance and elegant style. Read about the inspiration behind that.

Continue reading "An Elegant Style - Designer or Non designer"

Aug 18, 2015

Lovely Quotes: How to be Lovely

Lovely Quotes on how to be feminine, fair and lovely - Daily inspirations on how lovely it is to be a woman!

Continue reading "Lovely Quotes: How to be Lovely"