Not invited to stepson's wedding

by sam
(Houston Tx)

My stepson is getting married by the justice of the peace and after that there will be a luncheon. I'm not invited and didn't expected to be since my husband left his mother for me 10 years ago.


She (mom) has a partner now who lives with her. My question is should my husband go to the luncheon also or should he stay away. Is he giving me my place? I feel as if he, my husband is humiliating me by going to the luncheon. People will see that he is there having fun and celebrating his son's wedding and I'm not invited. Should I just ignore it all? My husban is all excited about going and is not thinking that it will look bad that his wife is not invited.

Am I wrong?

Thank you so much for your advice.

Comments for Not invited to stepson's wedding

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Aug 18, 2016
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You shouldn't go NEW
by: Anonymous

I am a daughter in the same situation that your husband's son is in. My father's wife left my mother, who was a great wife and had never done anything wrong (literally, not saying this from my own views, but she was never the problem, dad was and he fully admits my mother never did a single thing wrong). However, I do not like his new wife as I have no respect for a woman who would be involved with a married man. That being said, I have been polite to his new wife when I've had to be in the same room with her, but other than that I have no contact.

I don't feel that a woman who helped destroy a family should ever be expected to be part of the child's celebration, regardless of age. You have to understand that you pushed yourself into the life of a person that did not want you and helped to destroy something important to him (his parents marriage).

Regardless of if their marriage was good or bad before, that is how he will see it and you have no control over that. You can never be expected to be welcomed and it seems that you haven't been. Accept that. This is what you got yourself into. Everyone knows, I'm sure, about your affair with his dad and will understand why you're not invited. It will be no more embarrassing to you than it was to your step-son when everyone in town was looking at him because of what you and his father had done.

Do the right thing, stay away, and recognize that you did this to yourself. If you'd truly wanted to be part of a family - a real family - you would have found an unattached man to marry.

Jul 05, 2016
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Not invited to step sons wedding NEW
by: Anonymous

Same thing happened to me 2 years ago. My husbands son wouldn't accept his father had moved on with his life since the death of his mother. Anyway long story short, I wasn't invited to wedding, much upset and many tears and phsycologist visits later my husband went (we live in Australia wedding was in UK) so it wasn't just a day it was nearly a week I was left alone. Son got his day magnificently excluded dads wife - now what!!!!' Nothing no real relationship I for one have as advised by phsycologist to disengage, so this person and his brother do not exist in my life and I'm happy with that - sad really as everyone is missing out but you can't have that toxicity in your life if you want to remain sane!!!!

Mar 22, 2016
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I'm glad I'm not invited NEW
by: Gee28

Sometimes things work out for the best. I was not invited to my husbands sons wedding. I feel that I would not want to associate myself with such disrespectful people with manners of gutter rats. At least now I don't have to go to any social gatherings with any of them or invite them to any functions that I hold. Every cloud has a silver lining as they say.

Feb 09, 2016
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To skepticle NEW
by: Anonymous

The original post says the father left his wife( and family) for the new wife so I understand them not wanting to invite the new wife maybe in their eyes she really dosent understand the true meaning of marriage and constitution with which they are entering after all she showed no respect for the constitute of marriage when she started and continued a relationship with a married man with children at a wedding the cpouple are entitled to have Geist that understand and respect the constitution of marriage and what they are doing so as for the new wife not getting an invite maybe take this time to try and make a amends for breaking up their family by sending a nice gift and card and well wishes and maybe have them over to your house to start anew after all you need to sort this out now before you get left out of other important events

Feb 08, 2016
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Rude stepson and husband, pathetic bio-mom NEW
by: Anonymous

Being a bride or groom, or child of divorce, does not make you exempt from courtesy. It is poor manners (at best) to exclude one half of a married couple from an invitation. If anyone in my family invited me to an important event, and excluded my husband, I would decline the event and tell my family that I don't appreciate their rudeness, or putting me in that situation.

As for all the women out there hating the mistress - you are right, the behavior was repulsive. But, stop persecuting the mistress when your father / your ex / the cheating husband shares just as much blame for the affair and MORE blame for hurting his children. The other woman wasn't your parent, nor did she say vows to you. The cheating MAN is the one who betrayed his family. The healthiest thing to do is move on. But if you are unable to do that, and you can't bring yourself to basic courtesies like addressing an invitation to both husband and wife, then exclude BOTH of them.
p.s. And tell the mother-of-the-groom/scorned woman to get over herself. The wedding isn't about her, either. And, if years have gone by, she needs to put on her big girl panties and accept the fact that her son has a stepmom, regardless of when stepmom entered the picture. I was cheated on several years ago. I saw my ex and his now wife at a professional event two years....I didn't care! I am happily moved on and whatever he did in the past is irrelevant and I have no emotional connection to him now. Don't even know him anymore! Move on people!

Jan 25, 2016
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Come on. Really. NEW
by: Anoman

I personally think it is messed up to avoid the inclusion of parent's significant other. Especially if only one parent's significant other can't attend and the other parent's couldn't. Maybe unless the said person did something notably wrong that would provide reason not to invite them. Other than that it's bullshit. If I was married or had a longterm girl friend and I had kids from a previous relationship and they told me that. I would tell them to invite my SO because that is my partner and I would see it as blatant disrespect. That's like me getting married to a woman with kids and telling her, her kids can't attend but any kids we have together can. WTF!! Lol

I thank a union such as that can be a wonderful and be a great oppertunity to put away resentments and focus on a wonderful day. It's not like she is asking to parade around as her mother. She just wants to attend a meaningful event with her partner. I would understand if they were only dating for a few months. I could see that. But for years haha na. She should be invited right along with her partner.

Jan 25, 2016
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Come on. Really. NEW
by: Anoman

I personally think it is messed up to avoid the inclusion of parent's significant other. Especially if only one parent's significant other can't attend and the other parent's couldn't. Maybe unless the said person did something notably wrong that would provide reason not to invite them. Other than that it's bullshit. If I was married or had a longterm girl friend and I had kids from a previous relationship and they told me that. I would tell them to invite my SO because that is my partner and I would see it as blatant disrespect. That's like me getting married to a woman with kids and telling her, her kids can't attend but any kids we have together can. WTF!! Lol

I thank a union such as that can be a wonderful and be a great oppertunity to put away resentments and focus on a wonderful day. It's not like she is asking to parade around as her mother. She just wants to attend a meaningful event with her partner. I would understand if they were only dating for a few months. I could see that. But for years haha na. She should be invited right along with her partner.

Nov 24, 2015
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Get Over Yourself? Really??? NEW
by: Skeptical

This is in response to the comments who call the stepmother a "Jezebel" or urge her to "get over herself." Really?

I reread the original post and find no reference to this stepmother "breaking up" her husband's marriage to the mother of the children. Not that I'd give any woman that power. The vast majority of "other women" get dumped. Married men usually don't leave their wives for their mistresses. Nope, the statistics indicate that men marry someone other than the scapegoat for "breaking up the marriage."

So what's left is an issue not just of manners but of filial respect. Good manners demand that married people are treated as a social unit. Filial respect demands that your father's wife be treated with the same courtesy as you'd want for your own spouse.

It's no loss for this woman to be cut out of her stepson's life. He sounds like a childish piece of work. The real losers will be any children this stepson has...they'll be born into a dysfunctional family, complete with innocent scapegoats (granddad's second wife) and a petulant child for a father. Children need an extended family, especially if anything happens to their parents.

Sep 24, 2015
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Invertation to stepson wedding NEW
by: Anonymous

I'm in the same boat I've been with his father for 30 yrs his exwife cheated on him he left her and met me several years later she tried to get back with him he did not she told the children I broke up their marriage but they were already devoiced for several years when I met my husband have 2 children with my husband now his son is getting married I'm not invited but my husband and children are my husband asked me if I would get mad if him and our children go should I tell my husband go?




Sep 14, 2015
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True information is shared NEW
by: Virginia C. Cable

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Aug 26, 2015
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step sons wedding NEW
by: Anonymous

Believe me its been sore subject since it happened. We were married a year ago and his daughter in law who did not want me at wedding came to mine. Never went through receiving line to congratulate myself, husband or introduce herself to my own children who were in wedding. They are pieces of work

Aug 26, 2015
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seriously? NEW
by: mother of the bride

Are you making a joke?Honey you are a destructive jezebel to both the old and new family not to mention the desecration of any church by having a homewrecker show up at a ceremony celebrating family life.your presence will not be missed rather it will probably be the first favorable thing that you have ever done in 12 years by not showing up to rub the misery you caused in the faces of those you harmed

Jun 06, 2015
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Bad manners NEW
by: Pandora

The Bridal couple made the original faux pas when inviting your husband but not you, as married couples are a social unit. The biggest quarrel I'd have here is with my husband, as he has chosen to participate.

Oct 14, 2014
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Not invited to step sons wedding NEW
by: Anonymous

My situation is a little different. I fell in love with my husband and we were married but he is 20 years older than me. His son is the same age as me. He has always thought of me as a Golddigger even though I am very independent and I have my own business. He has always been very disrespectful towards me and I can always tell that he hates me. His soon-to-be wife also hates me and thinks I'm a Golddigger. They didn't invite me to their upcoming wedding I'm not sure what to do I've never done anything to them other then treat them with kindness. My husband is my best friend and my soulmate and we have a very strong and wonderful relationship, I wish they could be happy for us. I'm not sure how to feel about this, should my husband go to the wedding without me and leave me at home or should I come with him anyways?

Jul 08, 2014
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Same thing happened to me NEW
by: Anonymous

I was also not invited to my step sons wedding. My husband attended without me. But, what I thought was a bad thing ended up as a good thing. My husband was finally aware that I was never going to be accepted, even though I did not cause the divorce from his first wife. After the wedding, I sent a gift (no thank you card sent to me). My husband finally stopped pressuring me to visit his family with him. Instead, he goes to random gatherings and I don't need to go. Also, step sons wife now has to deal with the ex wife as her mother in law. I think the step son and his new wife thought that I would step in and be the normal (sane) mother in law to the new wife. No way, since they did not invite me, she can deal with the ex wife as her MIL.

Dec 19, 2012
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affair NEW
by: Anonymous

It takes 2 to make a marriage and 2 to break it! Affairs happen get over yourself! No one wakes up and says hey today I'm going to steal a man. I met a man who was married and I was also married. We fell in love!!! Love isn't a crime, I have 3 sons who accept my p3tner but his children knew his wasn't happy. They have had the best money can buy and now begrudge him happiness! Petulant spoilt children and shallow! I shall waive my partner off and say have a gOod time, and await his return to the arms of thr WOMAN he loves!

Jun 01, 2012
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Disrespect NEW
by: Mrs. Drake

I'm in the same boat! I have known my stepson since the day he was born, his dad and I dated briefly when I was 18 we lost contact and 28 years later reconnected anmovers located 3000 km to build a life together! I adore his son and consider and treat him as one of my own! He is marrying Sybil (not her real name just her personality) this girl is loud,obnoxious, disrespectful to my husband and myself ane she talks with a trucker mouth... My son is gay, and Sybil sent me a provacative picture of my son & stepson together with caption aren't u glad ur sons r bonding, she has abused emtionally by slandering my name calling me Medusa, she has physically assaulted me the list goes on! They r marrying tomorrow and she has made it clear within the family and on fb that I am not invited, I feel with all the abuse & disrespect she has shown and now this that it would be disrespectful to me if he attends the wedding and if he does our relation comes to an end.....

Feb 18, 2012
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Not invited to stepson's wedding NEW
by: Anonymous

Get over yourself. What was disrespectful is YOU having the affair in the first place! I'm sure the people who are allowed to bring a guest aren't bringing someone who totally tore apart a family and would make the groom's mom on one of her most important days........feel miserable having you there! My god, why is it that you women who have affairs with married men feel that every situation is always about you??!! Sometimes, it's actually about the children of the families that were torn apart.

and just so you know, it took me 12 yrs to "tolerate" even looking at my father's "other woman" and to this day would NEVER put my mom in a situation where "she" would have to be uncomfortable. If you can't understand the reasoning behind them not inviting you to their family event........then your more shallow than I originally gave you credit for.

Feb 18, 2012
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Get over yourself NEW
by: Anonymous

First of all, I would like to say- that it was probably more of a "slap-in-the-face" to be the "other woman" in the first place and if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't expect anyone to just "accept" it. It took me 12 yrs to "tolerate" my dad's other woman and to this day would NEVER put my own mother in a situation where she would have to relive the pain of seing this woman who caused such hardship for her.

Get over yourself. This wedding isn't about you and doesn't even involve you. Your not the step-son's family. You are the other woman. Your husband is his "FATHER" and has every right to be there. If you don't like how this is playing out for you.....I would of maybe thought your relationship out with his dad AFTER the divorce was final..........just saying.

Aug 07, 2011
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step sons wedding
by: Anonymous

I am in similiar situation. My fiance left his wife for me over 3yrs ago and no one will still not accept me and I just recently met his boys, but I still think its wrong and disrespectful with his son and my fiance. They are all slaping me in the face!

Aug 07, 2011
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step sons wedding
by: Anonymous

Sorry do not agree with you. I have been living with my fiance for 2 1/2yrs and was not invited to his sons wedding. We met with his son and bride to be and they are in fear of what his mothers side of the family will do if I attend. Though they assure me after the wedding no more not including me to things. I find this hard to believe. All 300 guest get to bring whom they want even the mother gets to but the father of the groom can not! Disrespectful!!!!!

Oct 07, 2010
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Stepson v. Wife
by: Dandelion

In the context of the wedding, the emphasis being placed on your husband's attendance is not that he is your husband, but that he is the groom's father.

Presumably most of the guests will know he is not the husband of the groom's mother. If they pretend to be husband and wife, that would be problem, but presumably they are separated parents attending their child's nuptuals. The fact that these people have a child together and would like to celebrate an event in that child's life is not a slight on current spouses.

When wedding invitations are issued, they are normally issued to both halves of a couple. Perhaps your stepson cannot bring himself to do this for personal reasons. His desire for both parents to be in attendance speaks of his love for both of them.

I understand that it's difficult, but try to relax so your husband can attend his son's wedding.

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