Rude Questions: When are you going to have children?

by Rebecca
(New York City)

I was at my cousin's wedding, and playing a little with my nephews. My other cousin's wife turns to me and says, "You're so good with kids. When are you going to have some?"

My husband and I were having some difficulties which were preventing us from having any children at that time. We are still in the process of deciding whether or not to have any. I can't tell you how many people ask us that very intrusive question!

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Jul 15, 2012
None of your business questions NEW
by: Anonymous

Also, don't say desparaging remarks to women with large families. It's rude. There are women who are tired of hearing "Are they all yours?" "Are you Catholic/Mormon?" "How do you handle them all!?" and other comments. Just comment on how cute they are, and move along.

Apr 22, 2012
Have a heart NEW
by: Anonymous

Anyone who would ask such a question is so clueless as to be pitiful. Have a heart. Smile and answer a different question. ("Yes, I do love children.") Then change the subject. ("My cousin just welcomed her first daughter. Her name is Daisy.") If they persist, excuse yourself. ("Oh snap, look at the time. Sorry I must run now...")

Apr 11, 2012
How to answer NEW
by: Loribeth

I understand how you feel. My husband and I ultimately decided not to have children for the same reason. The thing is, that question really only feels intrusive when you're having difficulty in that area. Otherwise, it's just a question that seems perfectly normal. The best way to answer it when you're not sure if, when, or how you're going to have children is just to look at the person and politely say "when the time is right." Don't feel obligated to offer any more information than that. If they press you further, just say, "we'll know when the time right, but thank you for thinking I'd be a good mother." That's usually enough to end the questions.

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