Self Absorbed

by sue

I have a neighbor that I have considered a friend. We see other almost daily while outside or walking our dogs. After several years I have finally decided that all she talks about is herself. She never asks about my family, job, etc. She still thought my husband was in security, which he hasn't worked at for 5 years. She also thought he was still selling used cars, which he hasn't for almost 1 year. The list goes on and on. As of late I have avoided her because I don't want to hear about her life. Am I doing the right thing?

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Apr 22, 2012
Kindness NEW
by: Anonymous

Perhaps she is self absorbed, but it's also possible that she's just trying to be polite. In some circles, it's considered extremely rude to ask questions other than How do you do? At each encounter, each person shares only what she wishes to reveal, and the acquaintance either evolves or it doesn't.

Sep 09, 2011
Look at it differently
by: JR

If you're a private person, or if you don't really like talking about yourself then people like that can actually be nice to be around- you don't feel like you have to explain yourself. Look at it this way, you're not answering to her about anything- she's answering to you!
Of course, it's always best to balance that out with a friend likes to listen so when you do have something to say, you know where to go to.

Sep 04, 2011
change friend
by: Anonymous

i think such people are hard to handle,because one cannt listen only what others say,when you are in relation of any kind friend,etc both need to share,disscuss not only one is suppose to talk every time,such type of people are not accepted forever,so i will say try to be with some one who listens to you also so that u dnt feel lonely,and have unshared stuff in ur heart and mind.

Sep 03, 2011
Be Kind
by: Anonymous

Self-absorbed people often need attention. They can feel lonely, unloved, or inferior in some way. I would not be particular friends with her, but I'd give her a chance to improve. For you to write that she still thought your husband was in security suggests that she mentioned him, or showed some form of interest when you did. Perhaps she doesn't have a lot of people in her life and hasn't much to talk about. You may need her to do you a favour one day - good neighbours are handy (not that I'm suggesting you should just be nice for your own selfish motives). You can never go wrong by being polite and kind. We never know why people are the way they are but we do know that none of us are without fault. She may hate herself afterwards for talking so much about herself and actually be trying to overcome the bad habit.

Sep 02, 2011
comment to Self Absorbed friend situation
by: Lee

Well, it depends. I agree that she should retain the simplest details of your life if she is to be considered a close friend. However, if possible, you can shift her back into the acquaintance category... or walking buddy category and think of her in another context as well that serves your needs. There are levels of friendships/interactions some of which are deep while others are of convenience or even less. I completely understand your response... the key here is whether avoiding her is causing you issues and your hope to perhaps have her see the light may blind you to the fact that it might be easier to see her as a very, very lightweight person in your life or whether you really just need to leave this relationship and find another. Does it take "work" to avoid her? Is it simply changing a habit of being in a certain place at a certain time? I guess what I'm blabbing on about is, do what is best for you! If minimizing contact causes no real hardship for your activities and desires... and you want to limit conversation, go for it. If it takes "snubbing" her to remove her and you will regret that sort of action... despite the fact that it is well deserved... I say act from your own values and best interest and see if that detachment helps. She is not really a friend as it stands now and I am sorry you had this experience.

Sep 02, 2011
It happens to me too
by: Eunice

Gosh, I just want to say that you're not alone.

It happens to me too, albeit quite unfortunately. I try to minimize my contact with them, however, if their stories about themselves are interesting, I might just put up with it. And if they are family, I think I don't really have a choice.

I'm inclined to believe your reaction is only natural.

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