Fascinating Womanhood Week Four

You cannot dream yourself into a character: you must hammer and forge yourself into one.Henry D. Thoreau
Readings for this week: Chapters 12 - 14, Chapters Masculine Pride, Sympathetic Understanding and Pandora's Box

We all own the keys to our own happiness

key to happiness

I've made a hobby of collecting 'keys'. There is this necklace is from Nicole Richie's collection, House of Harlow 1960s.

Your Love Booklet

Email me (using the Assignment Submission Form below) some Love Booklet entries! I'll love to hear them.
I'll share with you one of mine.

Sometimes, I give my husband a grocery list before he goes to work, so he can stop by the grocers on his way home. I try not to make the list too large, as this quick stop is different from our weekly grocery trip, just to supplement things that ran out suddenly or a special ingredient. I'm also aware that he is tired from work, so I try to minimize these 'extra' errands.

Even though, I've been working on me, to be a better wife, I sometimes feel that my efforts have been gone unnoticed. But then... on one of those errands, he brought back home a luxurious jar of this special brand of Chocolate milk just for me. It was a small gesture but it was not easy to get, and he remembered. I made it a point to note it down in my love booklet so I can remember and feel loved.

Assignment Four

Highlight the assignment part of the page, copy and paste it into a Word document or email.
Work through the answers.
When you are done, Copy and Paste it into the form below, then click SUBMIT. P.s. Let me know if you run into any trouble with this. :)

Part 1: Masculine Pride

What qualities does your husband have that he is proud of?

How can you wound his pride?

How can you build him?

In what ways you can be careful not to destroy him?

What problems occur due to his sensitive masculine pride?

A Man's Reserve

What is a Man's Reserve?

What causes this reserve to appear?

What two contradictory feelings does he have with a reserve?

How To Break Down The Wall of Reserve

  1. Accept him
  2. Admire his masculinity
  3. Don't belittle him or be indifferent towards his masculinity
  4. Don't be critical of others
  5. Appreciate the good in others
  6. Hold confidences sacred. Don't tell others things you have been told in confidence.

Back to Masculine Pride

Self Check: Do you wound his pride in any of the following ways?

Masculine Body
  1. Tell him he is losing his figure or getting too fat.
  2. Express a dislike for beards, mustaches or hair on the chest.
  3. Tell him you think he is too highly sexed, or too undersexed.
Masculine Skill and Ability
  1. If the car is stalled and he is trying to get it started, encourage him to call a repair man instead.
  2. Outshine him in swimming, golfing, fishing or other masculine activities.
  3. Remind him that you you are more highly educated than he is.
Masculine Achievements
  1. When he recalls past triumphs, act bored and say to yourself, "How many times have I heard this before"
  2. When he is excited about his latest accomplishment, yawn, glance out the window, continue reading the newspaper, or change the subject.
  3. If he receives and honor for achievement, act calm. Withhold praise so he won't be arrogant.
  4. If he rushes home to tell you about the day's achievements, be too busy to listen.
  5. When he gives an outstanding performance or excels in some special way, be indifferent. Don't lavish him with praise, even though he deserves it.
Masculine Goals and Dreams
  1. When he tells you of his dreams or plans, warn him of his limitations and possible failures, stress caution.
  2. Inspire him to high goals by using yourself as an example.
His Role as the Provider:
  1. Imply you believe he is being overpaid on his job, that his services are not really worth it.
  2. When he tells you his boss has berated him or cut him down, jump to the defense of the boss, explaining that "the boss has a point."
  3. Talk about his job as though you know more about it than he does.
  4. Remind him how you struggle to make his paycheck do.
  5. Say, "I wish we had a little more security."
  6. Or say, "We can't afford it."
  7. Or say, "We never seem to get ahead."
  8. Admire another man who is more financially successful
  9. Suggest ways he can increase his income.
  10. Act envious of someone else's possessions, house, car, furniture, clothes etc.
  11. Offer to go to work to increase the family income.
  12. If you work, explain to everyone that you work because you have to. The family could not get by without the extra income.
  13. Tell everyone how much the parents do for you, and how you could not get by without the extra income.
  14. Bring home a bigger paycheck than he does and try to win his appreciation for doing so.
  15. Remind him that he could never make it without you.
  16. Complain about how hard you work, or how much sacrifice because you work.
  17. Excel him in your work. Do a better job than he could.
  18. Advance to a higher position.

Part 2: Sympathetic Understanding

Things about his life I need to understand

Specific times he needs true sympathy

Does He Do Any of the Following?

  1. Works long hours
  2. Worries about his work, money, security or the future.
  3. Puts his work first, as more important than me and the children
  4. Strives diligently for honors, the top position, success, acclaim
  5. Often comes home late for dinner
  6. Forgets things I remind him to do.
  7. Often comes home from work cross, irritable, tired or worn.
  8. Neglects home duties such as repair jobs, mowing the lawn.
  9. Neglects me. Does not take me out often.
  10. Neglects the children. Doesn't share care and training as much as I want him to.

Do you respond in any of the following ways?

  1. When your husband works long hours, complain that you are being neglected.
  2. Remind him that you and the children should be more important to him than his job.
  3. If he is late for dinner, act cold and indifferent, to let him know you are offended
  4. If he comes home tired and cross, remind him that you have had a hard day too.
  5. Have him 'pitch in' and help you do the work you didn't get done.
  6. As soon as he is relaxed on the sofa, remind him of all the little jobs he has been neglecting around the house or that the lawn needs mowing.
  7. Save the disciplining of the children until he gets home. "After all, they are his children too."
  8. Complain about his drive to get ahead with the remark, "We are getting along o.k. now. Why aren't you every satisfied?"
  9. When he does not take you out often, accuse him of selfishness or thoughtlessness.
  10. Save up all of your problems until he gets home so he can help you solve them.
Note: A man's bad behavior can be cause by noble qualities - a keen sense of responsibility to his family. a desire to serve mankind, or a desire to produce something of quality or excellence. Such high goals bring opposition, frustration and discouragement. To succeed he will have mountains to climb, rivers to cross, and battles to win. Try to understand this and be his helpmeet.

Sympathy For the Discouraged Man

What Does Your Husband Tend To Become Discouraged About?
  1. The difficulties of his work
  2. Lack of success in his work.
  3. Failure in his work.
  4. Uncertainties about the future.
  5. Lack of money and security.
  6. His weaknesses, his faults.
  7. Lack of ability, inadequacies.
  8. Lack of acceptance by other people.
  9. Problems with his children.
  10. Problems with his health.
  11. World events or conditions.
  12. Other things: ______________
When he is discouraged, do you ever make the following mistakes?
  1. Probe deeply into his problems, trying to analyze them as a psychiatrist, and when causes are discovered, offer solutions, or actually offer to help him solve his problems.

  2. Minimize his problems by telling him there is nothing to worry about.

  3. Advise him to count his blessings by saying, "Cheer up. You ought to be ashamed of yourself, with all you have in life. Encourage him to look on the bright side and to stop being negative.

How to Give True Sympathy

  1. Suffer with him. Feel with him. Try to understand what he is going true
  2. Things to say: "Life is so tough. I don't see how you men put up with it. " or "You poor dear, how do you feel?" or "I don't blame you for being discouraged." or "Considering the problems you face, you are doing great"
  3. Don't let his gloom rub off you.
  4. Display confidence in himself. Focus on his better side, his masculine pride, his achievements.
  5. Allow time for his spirits to lift. Don't expect immediate results. Be patient.
  6. Have faith that your sympathy helps. It does!

Part 3: Pandora's Box

fascinating womanhood pandora's box
What is a Pandora's Box Reaction?

A Pandora's Box reaction is a violent outburst of angry feelings a man expresses to his wife, feelings he has kept within himself as though in a Pandora's box. This reaction is often experienced after a woman makes a real effort to live Fascinating Womanhood.

Why has he kept these feelings to himself?

Why does he now, just as she is beginning to become a wonderful wife, open Pandora's Box and express his angry feelings?

What wonderful things happen when Pandora's Box is empty?

Remember: Allow him to empty Pandora's Box. Encourage him to do so.

Other Special Assignments:
  1. Wear your husband's shoes for an afternoon, thinking of his responsibilities to provide the living.
  2. < Reserve - If your husband has a reserve, take the necessary steps to break it down.
  3. >Express Sympathy for his masculine role by saying, "I'm beginning to understand the heavy responsibility you have to provide for me and the children. I appreciate it and am sorry I have not done so enough in the past.
  4. The Sympathetic Wife. Review this in Chapter 13 and play this role every day this week.
  5. Record loving things he says or does in your Love Booklet.

Read more of "Elegant Wife - How to Welcome A Man When He Comes Home From Work"

How To Submit Your Assignment

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