An Insight From A Male's Perspective

Reflections I
Buy at

I thought it is important to include an insight from the men themselves. They are very different to us.

I've also included from personal experience, interviews from my friends and from research.

Currently, it is rather disorganized. I am at my personal library at my mother's house and will not be here for too much longer. When I return home, I will lock myself in my study and straighten out the content!

Thank you for your patience! The material needs referring to constantly anyway, even I have to constantly reminded men are not like us ladies.

Thank you for being here.


General Tips From Men

Don't cling to him if he has to leave that night or the following morning. Be casual and unmoved.

Don't tell him what to do.

If your man wants to join a health club where all the leggy model-types work out, don't tell him to jog on the street or exercise at home. Say, 'that's great'! And go about your business.

Don't show that you're jealous or insecure.

If, after dating you for months, he has never introduced you to his parents or friends, that means he doesn't want you to meet his parents or friends.

Don't bring up meeting them.

Don't force yourself on the family. E.g. taking his mother out to lunch so that she will tell him to marry you. Nobody can make him marry you.

Don't force or try to make things happen (at least, not obviously).

Don't try to change his life in any way. I.e. Don't throw out his things. Don't try to interest him into something. Don't sign him up for career counseling courses because you're unhappy with his job. Don't push your interests on him.

As a very wise friend said, "We are neither God nor their mothers."

He wants someone to make him feel good or better, not inadequate. Leave him alone.

He should be the first one to say, "I love you", and "I miss you.", "I've told my parents so much about you.", "They can't wait to meet you."

He should be an open book. You should be a mystery.

Don't tell him he's the first person you've felt about this way.

You should meet his parents before he meets yours. Likewise, he should introduce you to his friends before you introduce him to yours.

Don't tell your friends too much about him because they meet inadvertently blab when they do meet him and say things like, "You must be Max, Diane told me so much about you!"

Don't expect a man to change or try to change him. Accept all his flaws, he's not perfect and you're not perfect either.

Don't ever ever ever ever nag!

Don't speak to him man-to-man. Try to be as polite and gentle and don't think its funny to treat him like a "pal" or a "buddy". Don't even think that "Oh, he is used to my nonsense." I blame this kind of thinking of silly romantic movies where the storyline goes 'most-unexpected-pals-then-lovers'. Men who see you their pal could never see you as a girl this never have an romantic interest in you. It is important that you accentuate the difference!

The more 'lady' he sees you, the more differences he sees between you and he, the higher chance he will be attracted to you.

Don't open up too fast! On dates, be intelligent but light, interesting yet mysterious.

Don't reprimand him for picking you up half and hour late, and then tell him you were afraid he would never show up, that you felt abandoned.

Don't tell him how much he reminds you of your ex-boyfriend.

If you have a burning desire to tell him a secret, remember, haste makes waste.

In the early stages of the dating relationship, don't bring up anything intense.

The less tragic you are about your life circumstances, the more sympathy you'll probably get. Ask for sympathy and you'll never get it.

He should always feel that he's in love with the girl of his dreams, not someone damaged.

Reveal tragic things in a calm, non-dramatic manner.

Be honest but mysterious. Men love mystery! It's important to project a certain amount of mystery during the dating period.

The guy should not know that he is the subject of your thoughts and conversations or he might think he doesn't have to work so hard to get you.

When you receive a call, don't tell him who called and why.

Just say you are busy, don't offer any more information.

When you turn him down, simply say, "I'm sorry but I already have plans." Less is more. Let him wonder what you are doing. Don't be an open book. This is good for him and it's good for you. It keeps the intrigue going.

Be a little distant and 'difficult'. The unobtainable is always more exciting.

The less he sees of some of your less than glamorous habits, like the way you floss your teeth or the sound you make when you slurp your coffee, the better!

Don't date unavailable men. It is an obvious waste of time, also dishonest and stupid. You are basically spending your life waiting for him to get separated. The rule is we do not take what is not ours.

Practice responding rather than initiating any conversation.

If he compliments you, just instinctively smile and say nothing. Don't blabber! Most women regret spilling their innermost feelings and thoughts on the first few dates.

Learn to be quiet and mysterious. There'll be less to regret.

So when the urge to call him comes, call a friend, your mother, the weather channel, walk the dog, write a letter...anything until the urge passes and it will...

Remember, if someone is not asking you out, then they don't want to be with you. Go about your business and trust God that you will meet other people whom genuinely like you and want to be with you. Maybe you're supposed to let go of so-and-so to make room for a better friend!

When we exercise self-discipline, we give up the struggle. We accept that some people don't want to be with us that way so we move on. We don't need to force people to love us.

There is no need to try hard to make his friends, or family like you. Be friendly but not necessarily over friendly.

Don't call him at work so often. Only if you really have to, and when you do, keep it brief.

When You are Married Or Have Been with Him Long Enough

Make an effort to dress up all the time. Even if it just the same dinner place.

No man likes coming home to a woman wearing sweatpants all the time. Put on some make up and perfume. Pretend you are dating him.

Don't hit him with every crisis the minute he walks in the door. Remember he works hard all day.

Men are not attracted to women who look like men.

Be somewhat independent but not independent of him. Always be coming and going. Don't sit on the couch waiting for him to come home.

Click here to see what it means to be femininely independent causing him to adore you.

Click here to go back to Dating for ladies

Click here to see tips on being on a date.

Click here to see what to do when he calls.

Click here to see what to do before the date

Click here to read about an Elegant Woman in a Relationship

how to be elegant shop elegant join sbi

Go back to homepage


Don't Miss Important Updates
Subscribe via email
Subscribe to
Elegant Letters




I keep this private.

Subscribe to my blog.
Latest Entries
Jun 19, 2016

Class Distinctions and Bridging the Gap - The Up Series Documentary. "Give me the child until he is seven, and I will show you the man."

This is about Class Distinctions and Bridging the Gap as documented by The Up Series Documentary. In this documentary, the findings show how unfortunately equal opportunities do not exist for every person, however, it gives us more reason to realizeand believe that by making a focused and educated change, there can be greater social mobility and we can all overcome obstacles, defying limitations of financial background and upbringing.

Continue reading "Class Distinctions and Bridging the Gap - The Up Series Documentary. "Give me the child until he is seven, and I will show you the man.""

Mar 07, 2016

An Accomplished Lady - As defined by Jane Austen

Who is the accomplished lady? Jane Austen tells us who deserves the respect and praise of being educated, refined and accomplished.

Continue reading "An Accomplished Lady - As defined by Jane Austen"

Nov 23, 2015

How To Be Gentle

Lessons on how to be gentle derived from elegant women whose poise and grace inspire us.

Continue reading "How To Be Gentle"

Oct 05, 2015

An Elegant Style - Designer or Non designer

Recently, I've been inspired by the non-designer elegant woman. Somehow I choose now to reflect who I am and my current place in society more accurately with the things I put on my back. This is just how I define my own personal brand of elegance and elegant style. Read about the inspiration behind that.

Continue reading "An Elegant Style - Designer or Non designer"

Aug 18, 2015

A Woman of Grace

The mesage of grace: Be known as a woman of grace. Hold yourself to a standard of grace, not perfection and remember to extend that same measure of grace to others.

Continue reading "A Woman of Grace"

Aug 18, 2015

Lovely Quotes: How to be Lovely

Lovely Quotes on how to be feminine, fair and lovely - Daily inspirations on how lovely it is to be a woman!

Continue reading "Lovely Quotes: How to be Lovely"