Uninvited Guests - Frustrated at Organizing Dinner Parties

by Marie
(USA)

Dear Miss Manners,


I just want to clarify that I am not the "bad person" here. I recently held a small family dinner party for my husband's birthday. I invited his mother, his brother (single), his sister (her husband and 2 children). I few days before the event, my sis-in-law informed me that the brother was bringing his girlfriend (o.k with me) and her 23 yr old son (not sure why-never met him). I was a little miffed but didn't say anything. My mother-in-law then decided she was not coming to her own son's party because a church event was more important. I was a little mad about that and relayed my opinion to the sis-in-law.

She then texted me an hour before the party verifying who was coming which she included my nephew's (19yrs old) friend. When I responded that I really wanted it to be a family dinner she went on and on about how this kid is family because my nephew and him had been friends for 6 years. I explained to her that this is different-this is not "Joe's" house(not real name) and we don't really know the friend. She went on to have a total attitude with me and tried to argue with me. I feel that it is my home, I am the hostess, and I should be able to invite who I want and no one should dictate to me who is "crashing" my party.

She has done this before in the past.

She made me feel like a was the "bad person" (nice term) for not allowing the friend to attend. I really didn't want the girlfriends son here either. My nephew was mad and decided not to attend.
How do I hand this going forward? I am so angry that this has spoiled my desire to have nice dinner parties for our children's upcoming birthdays this year.

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Oct 19, 2015
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good post NEW
by: Suryadi

Your frustration is absolutely that when uninvited come at dinner parties or any other ceremony then frustration automatically come out and mod become off. But i don't know why people come whenever they don't received the invitation. I'm not feeling good for you. on the other hand, I'm try to get writers services which must have good experience in writing and good working background as well.

Jul 26, 2013
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No excuse for poorl manners NEW
by: Anonymous

This is not an uncommon problem in our large family, especially among young adults who believe they have a "right" to invite their boyfriends and girlfriends to family functions (such as weddings) even when the invitation DOES NOT mention "and Guest." These young people simply bring others to formal dinners/events and think nothing of either the cost or the logistic problems such action creates for the host and hostess. I find this behavior rude and unacceptable. I recently asked my nephew to leave my husband's birthday dinner when he appeared with his friend and friend's girlfriend in tow. It was painful for me, but I believe it was the appropriate thing to do. It was all handled very discretely.

Feb 11, 2013
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Curious about what others say to your situation NEW
by: Anonymous

I think you are absolutey right in wanting to be in control over who arrives at your house in response to a personal invitation delivered to the persons you wanted to invite!

I'm very curious as to what others think. I have had similar situations a few times over the years and I think it is just rude.


Feb 11, 2013
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starstarstarstar
Curious about what others say to your situation NEW
by: Anonymous

I think you are absolutey right in wanting to be in control over who arrives at your house in response to a personal invitation delivered to the persons you wanted to invite!

I'm very curious as to what others think. I have had similar situations a few times over the years and I think it is just rude.


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