Wedding Etiquette For Wedding Planning
How To Be An Elegant Bride
Firstly, remember that...
Etiquette comes from having exquisite manners.
Etiquette should not be viewed as a bunch of cold and hard rules. Rather, they should be seen as guidelines developed over the many experiences of others and serve as mere suggestions to obtain some order.
When you get engaged, your first and foremost responsibility is to get to know your future family and vice versa.
See also how to announce your engagement in Engagement Announcement Etiquette
The road here on to the wedding is sometimes not easy, and can get ugly.
Having a cohesive family and strengthening relationships during the whole wedding process I feel is the most important part of etiquette.
Don't fret too much about proper wedding etiquette...just remember one rule, to get through the whole planning as kindly as possible with plenty of communication and thoughtful consideration of others. There will be no room for Bridezillas
Refer to wedding etiquette books
Etiquette Influenced By Traditions and Culture
We have to understand that wedding etiquette varies from country to country and culture to culture, with that in mind, use a little discretion and don't follow blindly on everything you read. This includes the information here.
Also, you have to have the attitude that not every one will uphold wedding etiquette, or even know about etiquette. We have to have a lower expectation of etiquette with others than with ourselves. I.e. we cannot get mad or annoyed when someone does not practice etiquette the way you do.
The traditional wedding etiquette advice has always bordered on the formal side, so unless you plan to have a formal wedding, you might not need as much application of their suggestions.
Also, bear in mind that much of the etiquette about weddings written may as well be outdated. It is also heavily influenced by western culture and society of that time.
If you are marrying into a different culture, try to find out information about their wedding traditions. Honor them by incorporating them into your wedding if you wish.
Do note that even if both parties are from the same country and race, there are differences in family culture, traditions and expectation. Lots of open communication is the best when dealing with these matters.
Lastly, EXPECT some problems and issues. No wedding planning goes completely smooth. The purpose of wedding etiquette and manners is to minimize them as much as possible
and to make it an enjoyable experience
Wedding Financing - Who Pays For What
Though most wedding websites have many rules suggesting who pays for what, we have to realize that in the modern day everyone's circumstances are different and expectations should be adjusted accordingly.
As 'distasteful' as it may seems, you and your fiancé should have already be comfortable talking about your finances and money. Discuss with among both of you how much you can afford your wedding before being open to the idea of engaging your family's help. Of course in some cultures, the family of either the bride or groom is expected to pick up the tab.
Be sensitive to each family's capabilities and never assume no matter the appearance of abundance, that they should bear the cost.
Sometimes the bargaining or pushing of responsibility of financing the wedding can get ugly. So, keep it simple. Assume nothing but accept offers graciously. Keep the "who-should-pay-for-what at bay."
Have each family very kindly ask the bride or groom in private, "Is there any custom or tradition that is honored in your family that you would like us to do?"
Work it out together as a new family.
Let us just all accept this: It is impossible to please everyone.
More often than not, we find ourselves in sticky arguments about who gets invited and who gets left out. Sometimes the family is involved as there is a tradition of inviting the parents' friends even though they might not even know the bride and groom.
Personally, I feel the wedding should be about the couple and it is not the place or time to have a celebration with their parents, brothers or sister's friends and clients etc but what can I say if it becomes "tradition"?
If this is part of your culture, you could get creative and perhaps host two separate dinner parties. For the dinner parties involving guests you've never seen before, ask for help in financing them.
There is no fixed way with dealing with wedding planning. Especially if everyone wants to get involved.
We all try to accommodate everyone and at the same time, realize that it is impossible to please everyone.
The most important thing to remember that while your dream wedding may be happen, your dream marriage should take a higher priority.
Your marriage far counts more. See Wedding Guest Manners
Etiquette on Dealing with the 'Nasty's'
Yes, you will encounter vendors who do not return your calls, give you the wrong booking, change their mind at the last minute. Or perhaps you will have an overly enthusiastic mother, a highly opinionated father or a bridesmaid who leaked out your save-the-date email to people you were not planning on inviting.
This is the time to rise up to the occasion and handle it graciously.
It is up to us to be the bigger person. Sometimes, look beyond their actions and try to see the message. Perhaps a grumpy father is just beyond sad because he knows he is going to miss you, a mother who is simply overjoyed and never had a chance to plan a wedding, a bridesmaid who is so eager because she loves you.
Best of luck! May you be the most elegant bride!
Other Wedding Etiquette Pages
Ms Manners Wedding Etiquette
Marriage Proposal Etiquette
Go back to Elegant Weddings.