Basic Wedding Etiquette

For An Elegant Bride

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Wedding etiquette are mere guidelines.

Though most wedding websites have many rules suggesting who pays for what, I sincerely do not subscribe to those rules. These days everyone's circumstances are different so don't feel the need to adhere strictly to these so-called wedding etiquette.

When you get engaged, first and foremost is to get to know his family better as well as letting him be acquainted with your family. See Engagement Announcement Etiquette

The road here on to the wedding is sometimes not easy, and can get ugly. Having a cohesive family and strengthening relationships during the whole wedding process is the most important of all etiquette rules and is the basis of wedding etiquette.

Don't freak too much about proper wedding etiquette...just remember one rule, to get through the whole planning as kindly (no bridezillas here on The Elegant Woman!) as possible, plenty of communication, thoughtful consideration on budget and guests.

Refer to wedding etiquette books for your own easy reference and to look for possible solutions to situations you may have!

More wedding etiquette 'advice' below!

Wedding Etiquette

Depends on Traditions and Culture

When reading etiquette of weddings, bear in mind that they are not 'facts'. This means that we can't expect everyone to know them or be aware of them.

If your family or your fiance inquires about them, kindly tell them of the etiquette rules you've read about and then gently ask for their opinion. Some of them make much common sense and others seem like a formality (and may not make as much sense at all).

Also, bear in mind that much of the wedding etiquette written may as well be outdated. It is also heavily influenced by western culture and society of that time.

If you are marrying into a different culture, try to find out information about their wedding traditions. Honor them by incorporating them into your wedding if you wish.

Even if both parties are from the same country and race, there are differences in family culture, traditions and expectation. Lots of open communication is the best when dealing with these matters.

There will be problems and issues to be worked out. Try to keep the frustration at bay, and handle them simply. Life can be as simple as you make it out to be.

Who Pays For What

As 'distasteful' as it may seems, you and your fiance should have already be comfortable talking about your finances or the family's finances. Discuss with among both of you how much you can afford your wedding before being open to the idea of engaging your family's help.

Be sensitive to each family's capabilities and never assume no matter the appearance of abundance, that they should bear the cost.

Sometimes the bargaining or pushing of responsibility of financing the wedding can get ugly. So, keep it simple. Assume nothing but accept offers graciously. Keep the "who-should-pay-for-what-at-bay."

Have each family very kindly ask the bride or groom in private, "Is there any custom or tradition that is honoured in your family that you would like us to do?"

Work it out together as a new family.

Guestlist Etiquette

Let us just all accept this: It is impossible to please everyone.

More often than not, we find ourselves in sticky arguments about who gets invited and who gets left out. Sometimes the family is involved as there is a tradition that parents would like to invite their friends.

Personally, I feel the wedding should be about the couple and it is not the place or time to have a celebration of your own with all your friends, business clients etc. It has been tradition for the parents and their friends among themselves to invite each other during their children's weddings, so it is a tradition hard to break right now.

The severity of each case differs from culture to culture so it depends. In any case, plenty of open communication and controlled emotions, objective businesslike professional discussions are the best.

Get creative and perhaps host two separate dinner parties. For the dinner parties involving guests you've never seen before, ask for help in financing them.

There is no serious etiquette rule in dealing with all this. Try your best to accommodate everyone and at the same time, realize that it is impossible to please everyone. Bear in mind what is important to you, after all, it is only a wedding. Your marriage far counts more.

Etiquette on Dealing with the 'Nasty's'

Yes, you will encounter vendors who do not return your calls, give you the wrong booking, change their mind at the last minute. Or perhaps you will have an overly enthusiastic mother, a highly opinionated father or a bridesmaid who leaked out your save-the-date email to people you were not planning on inviting.

This is the time to rise up to the occasion and handle it graciously.

It is up to us to be the bigger person. Sometimes, look beyond their actions and try to see the message. Perhaps a grumpy father is just beyond sad because he knows he is going to miss you, a mother who is simply overjoyed and never had a chance to plan a wedding, a bridesmaid who is so eager because she loves you.

Continue reading of proper etiquette

Proper Wedding

You might be interested in:

Wedding Manners

Marriage Proposal Etiquette

Corsage Etiquette

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