Wedding Guest Etiquette Page Three
Comprehensive Wedding Guest Etiquette
The Infamous Guest listCertainly no one should mortgage their house and their parents' houses in order to have the wedding of their dreams.
Some fantasies are meant to remain fantasies. When something has to be cut because it did not fit the budget, it should be extras and frills, not the guest list.
Wedding Guest List Etiquette:
Never ever say, '"Oh, we'll love to invite everybody but we can't afford to that that many people."
Somehow, you make it seem that the style of your wedding is more important than people's friendships. I can hear gossips in my head going, 'Oh well, but you shouldn't have spent that much on decoration" etc.
Miss Manners suggests saying "There are so many close friends we would love to have, but we're having just a private ceremony with members of the immediate family. is a polite explanation." - Miss Manners Wedding Etiquette
More Wedding Guest Etiquette
Excuse me, Are you On The Guest List?
Here we explore the propriety in all situations associated with wedding guest etiquette and wedding guest list etiquette
Ceremony & ReceptionIn your guest list, those invited to the ceremony must be invited to the reception followed after.
Guests cannot and should not leave after the ceremony or arrive in between for the reception.
I know this practice might be more commonplace now but it is not proper wedding etiquette.
As a bride, one should not only invite a guest to the ceremony if reception follows immediately after and neither can she invite a guest for a reception and not the ceremony if it was immediately before.
If you wish to, please schedule your ceremony accompanied by light refreshments after, and have your full blow reception on a separate day.
Children at Your Ceremony and Reception
Likewise, you cannot invite them for one and not the other if both events are held back to back.
A simple response "We are not having any children." is sufficient.
Wedding guests - please do not assume that your children are invited. If their names are not on the card, they are not. Please do not ask the bride if you can bring your children.
You Have Too Many Friends
If you can't have them all at the ceremony or reception.
Throw a wedding party of some sort. And then you can call it a wedding reception. There are many ways to do so at an affordable price.
Miss Manners writes, " an omission of an invitation would stick in their minds and might act as a barrier when you reach the stage of wanting to renew your old ties. "
Especially those who has invited you to their wedding.
Many people express their thoughtfulness for their friends who live faraway. They take the assumption that they would not come to the wedding because of inconvenience, high travel expenses and presumed not to be able to afford it.
All they succeed in doing is making the non invitees feel unwanted.
It is not your job to assume. As long as they are your friends, if they are close, all the more so, send them an invitation anyway. It is their place to answer the invitation, not yours.
Q: Do I have to provide hotel rooms for wedding guests?
A: No, but it would be nice to try to get some subsidy by arranging a bulk discount booking with the hotel.
One Spouse Only
It is rude to address the invitation to only one person and inviting only one person if he or she is clearly married.
It does not matter if you do not know the person, they are prospective friends.
Invitations should be to both married person and spouse, which is the way married people are treated in social life. It is an insult not to do so.
In short, I don't think anyone should. Unless it is your husband gets invited, where married couples go as a pair.
Decline, decline, decline. Send a gift, your congratulations, your best wishes for their happiness.
Attending Weddings Of Someone You do not Know Or Have Not Met Before
This is very typical of Asian weddings.
From my experiences, neither do the bridal couple like it nor the people attending the son or daughters of a friend's wedding who have met them before.
After all, who likes seeing unfamiliar faces on the happiest day of their life? Who enjoys planning not-the-wedding-of-their dreams but to find a hotel large enough and affordable enough to please these parents whose friend's honestly do not even care about the bride and groom? Or may never see them again?
Because of this trend, one will feel insulted if not invited to this friend, Mr X son's wedding when they invited Mr X for their daughter's wedding. So on and so forth and all we are left are disgruntled bridal couples of having to expense and cater their enormous guest list to find a suitable place for their reception, AS WELL as guests do not particularly like weddings or buying gifts for people they don't know.
Looking into the crowd and seeing mostly unfamiliar faces?
If the parents really would love to share this joyous occasion of their child getting married, why not host your own party at a restaurant (and pay for it) and ask the newly weds to turn up?
Every one can enjoy the food, singing or dancing and the newly weds will have each other. They will enjoy entertaining your friends, receiving gifts, good wishes and congratulations and genuinely enjoy the company of your friends and the party you have thrown in their honor.
Why are the parents using this opportunity of sons and daughter's weddings to have their own party?
Honestly, those are invited to go to friend's daughters or son's weddings do not exactly go with glee. Why make both parties miserable?
It seems to me that the parents are making use and taking advantage of your children's own party to have a party of their own.
The tradition must die with us. Otherwise it goes on and on and frustration never ends. Why argue and sulk and manipulate and quarrel over such matters. Let them have their wedding.
Some Comments from a Reader Written to Miss Manners:
"We could hardly not accept, although i resented being forced to buy a gift for someone I did not know."
" I can understand someone in the situation I described who finds something more enjoyable to do than get dressed up to watch two strangers get married, and then stand in line with a couple hundred others for the standard hotel fare of friend chicken, ham and overcooked vegetables."
Miss Manners Comments:
"Miss Manners can assure you that the hosts would rather have their guests safely on the record as having declined the invitation than prepare for the comfort of those who do not show up."
"Not that she is in great sympathy with people who invite their business associates to a private occasion in which these people can have no genuine interest. "
Of course, in other to be gracious and our best, we sometimes can compromise and recognize the legitimacy of parents wanting to include their friends, without harping too much on the awkward ways they have been trying to accomplish this.
Such therefore is a case of compensatory entertaining.
From Miss Manners Wedding Etiquette:
The number of guests invited to a wedding is properly determined by the number of people whom each family wants to have present. Miss manners is not saying that the list cannot be cut down, but those that are truly close to the family should not be dismissed with the claim of saving money.
You can limit the wedding to family and throw related parties for friends. Had there been more sympathy shown all around, it could have been suggested that your mother in law, give a party to celebrate your marriage after the wedding trip.
Guests who Assume Being Invited
It is general rude to make an indication that they expect an invitation.
It is inappropriate to make jokes, "Am I invited?", "You had better invite me?"
You place the couple on the spot with little choice.
Your can reply delicately saying that you are having a very small wedding for only your immediate family and small circle of friends.
It does not matter if it is not exactly a small wedding because it is subjective anyway.
"A wedding is not a professional occasion and not necessarily one to which very few people are invited. It is one to which the person you are addressing is not invited."
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