Wedding present if reinstating vows

by Carrie
(Wichita, Kansas)

Long story short....

Our son and daughter in-law were married 5 years ago and didn't invite anyone to the wedding. They have decided to reinstate their vows and are asking for presents this time around. Should we feel obligated? Isn't that really rude on their part?

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Jun 04, 2015
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The timeline for reinstating wedding vows should be a personal preference NEW
by: HyTekk

My comments are directed towards the individual who quoted Miss Manners, and to Miss Manners, herself. The reasons for an individual couple's decision to renew or reinstate their wedding vows are potentially as numerous as the the number of couples who choose to do so. Assigning an arbitrary ruling on the number of years that must pass, or as to the individuals who should be invited, is at best presumptuous, and would probably be considered RUDE in most polite circles. There are few, if any couples who would not include their children and more recent friends on their invitation list.
Some couples decide to have a re-dedication ceremony every year, or 5, 10 or 15 years, to "refresh and renew" their commitment to one another. Other couples find such ceremonies to be frivolous, and never have one at all. They are all correct, because It is a personal choice, and should remain so.
As to the matter at hand, it is never appropriate for a couple to mention gift-giving , unless they are specifically requesting that no gifts should be given, or that a donation to charity be given, in lieu of a gift.

Jun 04, 2015
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The timeline for reinstating wedding vows should be a personal preference NEW
by: HyTekk

My comments are directed towards the individual who quoted Miss Manners, and to Miss Manners, herself. The reasons for an individual couple's decision to renew or reinstate their wedding vows are potentially as numerous as the the number of couples who choose to do so. Assigning an arbitrary ruling on the number of years that must pass, or as to the individuals who should be invited, is at best presumptuous, and would probably be considered RUDE in most polite circles. There are few, if any couples who would not include their children and more recent friends on their invitation list.
Some couples decide to have a re-dedication ceremony every year, or 5, 10 or 15 years, to "refresh and renew" their commitment to one another. Other couples find such ceremonies to be frivolous, and never have one at all. They are all correct, because It is a personal choice, and should remain so.
As to the matter at hand, it is never appropriate for a couple to mention gift-giving , unless they are specifically requesting that no gifts should be given, or that a donation to charity be given, in lieu of a gift.

Aug 09, 2014
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No NEW
by: Anonymous

When giving presents to a bridal couple it is thought that these presents are to help a couple start off. However, a couple renewing their vows are already started off and therefore should not request presents.

Jun 09, 2013
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Our Wedding NEW
by: Anonymous

I just got married June 2nd Of this year. I was going to get married in my pastor's office. She suggested we get married after Sunday morning service. It was beautiful. However, I have never had a princess wedding. Something I have dreamed of since I was a little girl. We are going to reinstate our vows next year on the 7th. I don't expect gift, I'm just doing what I've always dreamed.

Oct 11, 2011
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Vow Renewals
by: Dandelion

According to Miss Manners, vows may be renewed not sooner than 25 years after the marriage commenced. 5 years smacks of "We were underwhelmed last time and want to have a bigger party."

Incidentally, invites to vow renewals are properly only drawn from the original wedding's guest list.

In any case, presents are not required--they are given according to the wishes of the invited guests, not the demands of the bridal couple. If you attend, wishes for their continuing happiness are all that is required.

Mar 22, 2011
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Asking?
by: Anonymous

They are asking for presents? As in: "We're reinstating our vows and want you to give us presents because of it"? You are not obligated to use your money on anyone else. Just because they are having a ceremony/party or something does not mean that they can require their family and friends to give them things. Personally, I hope that as the parents of the groom you wished them well at the time of their marriage, commend them for publicly restating their vows, and wish them a long and happy marriage.

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