Bridal Shower Etiquette

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Bridal Shower Etiquette

Bridal Shower In Point Form

1. Bridal showers are supposed to be thought up and thrown by the hostesses, never by the guest of honor or her relatives.

This is because you should never throw a party and designating your guests which guests to bring. Relatives are a no because they are an extension of you. Traditionally, it used to be consider bad for a family member to do so because it is similar to soliciting gifts from relatives.

Hostesses are usually your maid of honour or your bridesmaids or any good friend.



Naturally, it is fine for anyone to host a shower, especially if bridesmaids all live scattered and far away. Multiple showers seem to be common when people at your work throws one for you, your family, your high school friends etc, have as many showers as you like (even though it is more elegant to keep the fuss about yourself minimal), but convince overlapping friends to combine the event.

2. No one should be invited to more than one such event for the occasion.


We have many parties centering around one wedding. The engagement party, the bridal shower, the bachelor, bachelorette party, the wedding, the house warming etc. To repeatedly invite guests seems like an open solicitation of gifts.

3. Presents should be mere tokens of congratulations, not expected and definitely not a right.

Do away with registries and let's go back to old school. Never put "No gifts" or "Your presence not presents are welcomed", it is tacky.

4. The shower should never be taken advantage of materially.

If you have a registry, please register modestly priced items.

5. If so decline the invitation, sending nothing more than good wishes.

If you feel taken advantage of at the registry, better not to go then bear a grudge all your life.

6. Should not be used as a fund raising event. It is vulgar.

Bridal showers should never NEVER be thrown to get gifts to be exchanged for cash. It is an abomination.

7. It should held two-three months for the wedding.

Any earlier it will sound like you have been too preoccupied with the wedding which is not as real life as your friends, family and the person you are going to marry, and any later you might just stress yourself and your bridal party a little too much.

8. As per tradition, you'll be showered with gifts to set up your new home.

Do not ask or even drop a hint for a new pair of Manolos.

9. Thrown by people who love you - no planning on your part required.
10. Traditionally all women only

.... and sometimes the would-be groom turns up at the end.

These days co-ed showers are more accepted, hence the term for a wedding shower. It is the same thing, just that men are invited too.

11. The foundation of the bridal shower, then, is all about gift giving.

People use that as a "right" to include registries in their bridal shower invitation cards. I'm not too fond of it, if you want to be truly elegant, forget about registries and definitely forget about mentioning gifts.

12. And oh, don't forget to invite people to the shower only if you'll ALSO be inviting them to the wedding.

Bridal Shower Etiquette

Some History

The foundation of the bridal shower was built around the notion of helping the future newlywed to set up a new home with her new husband. To help and celebrate the joyous occasions, guests brought household gifts to the traditionally all women party.

According to "The Wedding Book", by Mindy Weiss, the tradition of the bridal shower dates back at least 300 years when a wealthy dutch girl fell in love with a good-hearted but poor miller. Since his daughter would not be properly be provided for, her father refused to let them marry. Friends and neighbours wanted to see the love match succeed so they gave her gifts to set up her household.

Bridal Shower Etiquette

Regarding Gifts & Gift Giving

Bridal shower etiquette forbids us to "expect" gifts.

and definitely not to indicate in any way that a gift is expected.

Even though with a bridal shower, Its fine for your hosts (not you) to include registry information in a shower invitation.

There is debate on whether opening gifts in front of gift givers is rude. Some people consider it as an integral part of the party even to the point of rude if the bride does not open gifts at a shower.

I've written in a bit more detail about the whole business of gift giving in Bridal Shower Gift Etiquette

Bridal Shower Etiquette

Remember Your Thank You Notes

The bridal shower is an event you'll want to remember not only because it was held in your honour but by the kindness and love that you've been shown by the people who threw it for you.

Remember your thank you notes and send a thank you gift if the party had been elaborate.

You might want to send a very special gift to the host, if she has significantly done more work than the rest.

When it is their turn, you might want to return the favour.

Traditionally the host is the maid of honour with the help of the bridesmaids.a friend or parent can also host the event.

Bridal Shower Etiquette

Organizing the Bridal Shower

Even though your host will be doing most of the work, she will rely on you to provide a guest list and may ask for further help. Being organized about this is a courtesy.

Also, have realistic expectations, accept that no one flies down for a shower.

As mentioned earlier, you should only invite those whom you'll guarantee them a spot in the wedding guest list.

This is unless a couple decides to have a destination wedding and returns, sometimes friends throw a shower for them which can be also known as the wedding shower when they return.

Each guest should only be invited to one shower.

Lastly, Miss Manners say, though a shower is a treat for you, there's still a core list of people you'll need to invite as a courtesy, people like your distant relatives, even if you don't expect them to attend.

Bridal Shower Etiquette

The Birth of Wedding Showers

Traditionally showers are a women-only affair when sometimes the groom makes an appearance after the event, possibly to watch the opening of gifts.

In recent years, co-ed or couple showers have become more accepted and popular, i.e. they become wedding showers instead of bridal showers.

They are also thrown for those couple who decide to have a very small wedding ceremony, sometimes a destination wedding or a simple city hall ceremonial affair. Their friends pool their efforts together and throw a party for them where people could come together to celebrate the joyous occasion. These guests would also bring a gift that may double up as a wedding shower or wedding gift.

Sometimes these wedding showers can also take the form of a simple elegant affair, or dinner and cocktail party, where there are maybe no bridal shower games. They are less fuss and more about a celebration about being together rather than setting up a home. Sometimes its combined with the engagement party.

Usually it is held in the evenings on the weekends, unlike the traditional afternoon bridal shower, coupled with good food and wine.

Guests may bring gifts for the household as well if they like, or simply anything that represents the couple.

Bridal Shower Etiquette

Don't Like The Plans?

So you heard that your bridal shower will be a cupcake party and it's not really your thing? What do you do? Should you comment and refuse?

No. You smile and remember that someone is making a lot of effort to throw you a party in your honour.

Appreciate how blessed you are.

"Let them have their fun and remember anything they're doing for you is a gift so you need to be showing gratitude, not attitude." Miss Manners Wedding Etiquette

Bridal Shower Etiquette

Who Pays For What?

The maid of honour and the bridesmaids usually help pay for the bridal shower and the bachelorette party just as the groomsmen pick up the tab for the bachelor party.

Hence it is important for the elegant bride to write thank you notes and get a good gift for the host as they went through all that trouble and bore the expenses of throwing you a bridal shower.

You might also be interested in:

Engagement Announcement Etiquette
Engagement Party ideas and Types of Elegant Parties Elaborated
Engagement Party Etiquette, Engagement Party Gift Giving, Bridal Showers And The Works

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