The Elegant Sophisticated Woman

Who is the elegant sophisticated woman?

People often mistake sophistication for elegance. While it is possible to be both, you can be sophisticated without being elegant and elegant without being sophisticated.

elegant sophisticated woman
amatamoda CC BY 2.0

Elegance as we know is graciousness in action, and possessing a certain confident simplicity.

Sophistication comes from a great deal of worldly experience and knowledge of art and culture.

It comes from an in-depth learning about the world, its people and having an refined understanding of different cultures. It is also about being comfortable with differences, luxury and anywhere you go, and in whatever situation.

However, sometimes sophistication can be vulgar. (It's true.)

We've all seen it before.


This happens when there is an over-emphasis on materials and luxury goods. It is too much value placed on the high life. There is too much aspiration, and a sort of greed to want it so badly. This creates all kind of "trying-too-hard" behavior - making certain associations because of their stature, namedropping, keeping up with appearances that do not truly reflect the real circumstances.

There is also a vulgarity in overly parading wealth. Women who dress up in too much bling, and overdoing the monogrammed designer goods.

There are also people who balk at flying economy class, pretending to hop off their private jet and being rude to service staff.

Who can forget pretentious women who attempt to be sophisticated by rattling off their knowledge of cuisine and restaurants, the magazines and books they've read to show how literary and sophisticated they are.

I know I shouldn't, but I can't help but rolling my eyes at some of these desperate measures as shown by photos and captions posted on Facebook.

The story is like this: This couple is not as financially well off as their friend, this single guy, and this single guy friend is extremely well-to-do. So when this couple's baby was born, they made him their daughter's godfather, obviously thinking about possible opportunities and benefits that this godfather may present in the future. Then on Facebook, it is filled with baby captions such as this, "godfather, don't look so sullen! Smile for your goddaughter!" and "What are you looking at, godfather?". Yes, we get it. This rich and famous guy is the Godfather of your daughter. We know the association.

So yes, these are some examples of rather vulgar and sometimes desperate attempts to be associated with sophistication.

But that's not what we want. We are looking at what makes a woman elegant AND sophisticated?



A Sophisticated Confidence

elegant sophisticated woman

The Elegant Sophisticated Woman has a sort of what I like to call a 'sophisticated Confidence'.

That means she can be confident and comfortable in all situation, even in the uncommon ones. One example is dining in a traditional Japanese restaurant with locals. Speaking about politics in an engaging way (not an excuse to air your unsolicited political views). Choosing wines from a wine list (she may not know everything, but she has her favorites). Discussing books and art and travel and the ballet etc.

Being elegant and sophisticated doesn't necessarily mean you have to know about EVERYTHING, but it simply means that you take an interest in things around you. Some are about the world around you, others might be about conservation efforts. The affordability of education bothers you, or perhaps you are excited about the up and coming African Art fair. You have a few favorite books and you're passionate about the ballet, and the cello.

It is sort of a way of life to continue to cultivate your life as well as be an activist of some sort. You take a stand in what you believe in and help others who cannot help themselves. You have a natural curiosity about other people who are different from you and treat learning language as an inspirational, privileged eye-opening opportunity. You are open and accepting and have a liberal mind.

This is opposite to those who aren't sophisticated - they have a narrow mind, they are not that open to people, views or things that are different. And they do not care about anything that does not affect them directly.

While the elegant sophisticated woman may not know everything, nothing really surprises nor intimidates her. She is are open to venturing into the unknown. She makes the effort to learn and be open-minded. She is accepting and welcomes diversity. That makes her comfortable in everywhere she goes. She is not self-conscious - thinking, fretting and sweating about not knowing.


How can I obtain this sophisticated confidence?

You'll have to train for it. Like everything else, you have to keep an open mind, continuously learn and remain humble. Learning is hard work! You have to put yourself in uncomfortable situations until you learn to become comfortable.

You'll need variety and exposure! You'll have to step out of your comfort zone.

It has been said that confidence is next to beauty that causes a woman to be appealing.

Confidence means you know how to act in any situation, making you sure of what you are doing.

So maybe you have a list of things in mind that you'll like to become sophisticated (read: confident, being at ease) in.

You can make a list of some things that come to mind right now about what scares you. (Yes, that's right! We all have things/people/situations that scare us and make us uncomfortable.)

For instance...

How do we get confident in _______ (fill in the blanks)?

It could be...

  1. Playing tennis

  2. Being comfortable on a first date

  3. Speaking French

  4. Dressing up

  5. Doing your Hair

  6. Being financially free


Here is the Secret to
Elegant Sophisticated Confidence:

Confidence only comes when you've done something over and over enough times and made enough mistakes that you finally learn how to do it right.

Then you do it automatically and you don't have to think about it anymore -- that's confidence.

Whatever you want to achieve, practice, practice, practice. Keep at it no matter how frustrated you are.

To become... start by looking confident

While you are practicing and establishing your sophisticated confidence, you might as well work on 'looking confident'.

No matter what they say about how inner beauty is important (it is important!), the first impression you give more often than not helps people decide what you are. If you don't create a confident impression, people may not take an extra effort to get to know you, and they won't be able to know whether you have a heart of gold or not.

Here are some places you can start...

  1. Practice Your Perfect Posture

  2. Pay Attention To Your Grooming

  3. Practice Eye Contact

  4. Pay attention to how you dress


Elegant Posture

elegant sophisticated
I love their posture. This is a scene from Delovely, the film.

Your posture tells the world how to treat you from sight alone. You can either look like winner or a loser. Posture is the single most important body language there is. Erectness is confident-looking. People will believe what your posture tells them about you.

For instance, if you tell a little boy to "act like a King", instantly you'll see him straighten his back and his neck as though he were wearing a crown. You wonder how they know these things?

Your posture communicates more than you know.

Psychologists say that the first indications that a person's morale is dropping when her daily grooming habits slip.

Haven't we all seen girlfriends who have had their hearts broken thus not bothering with make up anymore? They let themselves go... put on weight and the such? We can tell when our friends have 'lost their will' to live simply by their appearance. Due to losing a job, marriage or be in some serious financial debt ...smart, good looking people start resembling the beggar on the street. They've lost hope and given up.

Thus, maybe it isn't intentional, but pay more attention to your grooming because it affects you more than you know. Somehow when we know we're looking quite fine, we feel confident and are prepared to meet whoever wherever.

Confident eye contact

Eye contact is another indicator of confidence. Practice looking people directly in the eye as it will help you establish a position of confidence in the minds of others.

Though it is important to establish a confident eye contact, do not stare at their eyes or gaze into them. Look at their eyes when speaking, but be natural about it.

What makes you interesting?

elegant sophisticated woman having dinner

Read the next line over and over again. It is the key.

An interesting person is an person who is interested.

Do not worry about being interesting or TRY to be interesting.

Engage in conversation, ask interesting but appropriate questions and learn about someone else's culture.

Have an avid social life. Take part in charities, serve in church, throw dinner parties. Get involved in the life outside your own.

Pursue your aptitudes and talents. Seek personal growth, refine your knowledge and pursue your passion.

Embrace change. Learn about things that increases your levels of sophistication.

Areas of Possible Interest


Here are some areas of Interests you could possibly pursue. Do you think of 'trying or learning to be sophisticated'. As long as you cultivate yourself continually, it will come naturally.

Pick a few below!

  1. Art - drawing, painting, museums

  2. Literature/History

  3. Languages and Culture

  4. Theatre, Plays, Musicals

  5. Dance - the

  6. Ballet, Waltz etc

  7. Music - Symphonies, Musicals

  8. Sports - Skiing, Tennis, Golf

  9. Water sports - Sailing, Speedboating

  10. Travel



A lot of these topics are covered if you embark on obtaining a classical education. And you can get one from home.

Click here to read more about a Classical Education.

One Genuine Manner

elegant sophisticated

The elegant sophisticated woman has one genuine manner.

What does that mean?

Having one genuine manner means that you treat everybody the same. You don't change your manners according the person's social status.

You speak in the same way to a very important person (VIP), and in the same way to that waitress just now who served you dinner.

Having one genuine manner will give you freedom from pretentiousness, phoniness and self consciousness.

Only those people who have no manners, save their best behavior for the VIPs.

Have you been to those networking meetings where people flash their big smiles at you and then try to find out what you do?

Why? That is because they want to find out whether you're a "useful" person to them or not. Once they figure out that you're not, the smiles fade away and they try their best to politely excuse themselves.

That is just horrible manners.

Raise Your Comfort With Luxury

elegant woman travel

No matter what financial means you have, you want to develop a self-assurance made of steel. No one, or being in luxury will intimidate you. You are better than all the material things and luxury in the world.

That is why you shouldn't be intimidated by luxury. If you are, learn to feel comfortable with it. Learn to feel at home with luxury. It doesn't matter how come you gave.

Your confidence level can only rise to what you are comfortable with. Do fancy stores and restaurants intimidate you? Does a certain kind of highly accomplished person or wealthy person make you feel small?

Confront your intimidation - you're more valuable than any material thing.

It is true that sometimes it will take a while before you can learn to tame your emotions and nerves - you'll just have to be mentally strong and find a way to manage them. It is normal and completely human to feel intimidated by what we think we don't know (and feel like we should know).

Learn to get comfortable in ANY place, circumstance or situation, no matter where you go. This brings me to my next point...

Expand your Reality - Remove your Intimidations

Everyone gets intimidated. Probably not by the same things but we all get intimidated. The skill to learn is to not to be intimidated, or be calm and confident even though you have all these intimidating feelings.

What intimidates you?

Eating at fine-dining restaurants? Traveling to unknown places where you don't speak the language? Speaking with new people? Being at a fancy ball, dining with very important people?

You could make a list of a few things and start address these fears one by one. Maybe you don't like dressing up fancy because it makes you feel uncomfortable?

If you are not comfortable with dressing up, dress up! Practice dressing up. Get away with a little at a time. If you are always in flip flops, wear sandals the first time, and the next time little ballet flats, then kitten heels .... and perhaps a nice pair of high heels someday. It is all about progression, at no matter what pace.

It helps to dress the part. How you dress matters.

Write down as many situations as you can think of that are uncomfortable for you.

A) A party where I don't know anyone.

B) When people ask about ....

C) When I have to speak about ....

D) _________________

Work out a response in your mind, write it down, memorize it, practice it in the mirror.

Study the art of conversation.

You will only rise as high as your comfort level, so you want to begin elevating your comfort level.

elegant sophisticated woman having dinner
CC BY 2.0

For instance, when you first got your job and earned $100 a week, you only shopped in stores which sold shoes $20 and under. $150 shoes was 'out of this world' for you. Then you earned $500 a week and suddenly, those $150 seemed more affordable. Now you can seriously consider that $150 pair of shoes.

What happened?

Your reality just expanded.

Another example would be...do you remember when you first bought your first set of luxury bedsheets? Maybe they were 300 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. Suddenly, 700 thread count sheets went on sale and you decided to buy them.

700 thread count sheets were so luxurious to sleep on! When it was time for a wash and change, suddenly your 300 count sheets didn't feel as good anymore.

What happened?

You've started to develop a discriminating taste for quality (and luxury). You can now tell the difference between 300 and 700 thread count sheets.

Expand your reality also to people you meet, so that you will no longer feel intimidated by certain types of people.

These are the types of people are tend to be intimidating:

  • Beautiful people

  • Intelligent people

  • The wealthy

  • Those financially savvy

  • elegant sophisticated woman having dinner
  • Those from certain schools

  • Those who speak the perfect language

  • Some with heavy accents

  • Famous people

  • Influential people

  • The widely travelled

  • The sophisticated

  • The snobby

  • The savvy

  • The knowledgeable

  • The religious

  • The materialistic

  • The fashionista

  • The connected

  • The more intimidating people you meet, the more you practice and increase your quiet self confidence, you'll soon learn that they are just like you and me. Then, we'll no longer be intimidated.

    Want to know more?

    Extra readings: eBook

    Finest Class ebook

    Becoming a Woman of the Finest Class, A Guide to Class and Refinement

    Becoming a Woman of the Finest Class Book is a guide to class and refinement.

    Becoming a Woman of the Finest Class, A Guide to Class and Refinement
    Becoming a Woman of The Finest Class ebook
    - A Guide to Class and Refinement

    $22.50 USD

    Please note that $22.50 USD will be converted to SGD in Paypal.Click here to pay in AUD.

    You will receive your book on email in
    1-3 working days after checkout
    .

    If you don't have a pdf reader, download one for free here.

    e-course

    Classy First Steps

    classy course

    By studying and analyzing the Pedigree woman, then we will learn to achieve the same classy style and mannerisms by breaking lessons down to actionable steps.

    To Enroll For This Course

    $49 USD

    Note: Prices will be converted automatically to SGD.

    Or click Classy First Steps for more info


    You may like:

    1. Exquisite Shopping: Finer things Without Finer Prices

    2. Social Ease - Grace your way through parties

    3. Elegant Entertaining: How To Throw Elegant Coffees, Dinner Parties

    4. Elegant Sophisticated Selection - Choose Your Way Into Elegance

    5. The Art Of Elegant Living

    6. How to be Classy



    Leave a comment

    Thank you for reading 'The Elegant Sophisticated Woman'!


    Return from The Elegant Sophisticated Woman to Elegant Woman Homepage

    Facebook

    Don't Miss Important Updates
    Subscribe via email
    Subscribe to
    Elegant Letters

    Email

    Name

    Then

    I keep this private.

    Subscribe to my blog.
    Latest Entries
    Nov 08, 2016

    A Woman of Grace

    The mesage of grace: Be known as a woman of grace. Hold yourself to a standard of grace, not perfection and remember to extend that same measure of grace to others.

    Continue reading "A Woman of Grace"

    Jun 19, 2016

    Class Distinctions and Bridging the Gap - The Up Series Documentary. "Give me the child until he is seven, and I will show you the man."

    This is about Class Distinctions and Bridging the Gap as documented by The Up Series Documentary. In this documentary, the findings show how unfortunately equal opportunities do not exist for every person, however, it gives us more reason to realizeand believe that by making a focused and educated change, there can be greater social mobility and we can all overcome obstacles, defying limitations of financial background and upbringing.

    Continue reading "Class Distinctions and Bridging the Gap - The Up Series Documentary. "Give me the child until he is seven, and I will show you the man.""

    Mar 07, 2016

    An Accomplished Lady - As defined by Jane Austen

    Who is the accomplished lady? Jane Austen tells us who deserves the respect and praise of being educated, refined and accomplished.

    Continue reading "An Accomplished Lady - As defined by Jane Austen"

    Nov 23, 2015

    How To Be Gentle

    Lessons on how to be gentle derived from elegant women whose poise and grace inspire us.

    Continue reading "How To Be Gentle"

    Oct 05, 2015

    An Elegant Style - Designer or Non designer

    Recently, I've been inspired by the non-designer elegant woman. Somehow I choose now to reflect who I am and my current place in society more accurately with the things I put on my back. This is just how I define my own personal brand of elegance and elegant style. Read about the inspiration behind that.

    Continue reading "An Elegant Style - Designer or Non designer"

    Aug 18, 2015

    Lovely Quotes: How to be Lovely

    Lovely Quotes on how to be feminine, fair and lovely - Daily inspirations on how lovely it is to be a woman!

    Continue reading "Lovely Quotes: How to be Lovely"